Stephanie on “cougars”

Stephanie McHugh: And you’ve heard that term cougar for a woman, right? I don’t like that really. But there’s a mathematical way you get to it. You take a woman’s age, divide it by two, add seven. If she dates anyone younger than that, she’s considered a cougar. It’s a lot of math. I know, right? Now Google it, ask AI when you get home.

So I can’t date anyone younger than 35 now, and if I want a sugar daddy, he’s 106.

He’s out there.

That’s why when I perform on the cruise ships, I’m just hanging out at the buffet by the pudding, just waiting for my man.

Andrea Marie: We are Moms Unhinged, a nationally touring standup comedy show. Join us in our podcast as we explore everything from motherhood, midlife, crisis, marriage, divorce, online dating, menopause, and other things that irritate us.

Hello everybody and welcome to the Moms Unhinged podcast. Woo-hoo. I am your host, Andrea Marie. I am joined by the amazing, the wonderful Stephanie McHugh. Welcome Stephanie.

Stephanie McHugh: Thank you, Andrea. It is wonderful to be here.

Andrea Marie: Yeah, yeah. And Stephanie is one of our Colorado based comedians. She has performed all over with Moms Unhinged, she performs on cruise ships.

She’s got so much funny material about that. Just really, really lovely to have you here. So, yay. I know, I love these conversations ’cause I get to talk and catch up, although I’ve seen you a couple times this week.

Stephanie McHugh: I know, I have. I’m so excited ’cause it was a while before that I hadn’t really performed with you that much and we had two shows this week together, so it was super fun. But it is to just talk for a half hour without having to.

Andrea Marie: I know. Worry about other Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

Stephanie McHugh: I had it in my notes. This is so me, but I totally forgot until like 45 minutes before and last night we had a show in Colorado Springs, which is like an hour and a half away for me.

Andrea Marie: Mm-hmm.

Stephanie McHugh: So I just did one shot with the owner because I adore Eric and it his birthday, and I guess that’s all it took for me to go to sleep in my makeup.

I just like, barely put my pajamas on and went to sleep. And you said my face. I know some of us, some people aren’t seeing it. My face looks great. This is literally a little bit of baby oil to wipe off all the mascara underneath my eyes and last night’s makeup. And then I have my pajamas on still.

The meeting I had before, she goes, “Oh my gosh, you look so cute. I like that shirt.” And this for everyone listening, is a pink shirt with black trim and it has, champagne.

Andrea Marie: Champagne bottles fun. Super fun. Those are like exactly the type of pajamas I wear too. Yeah, that is fun.

Stephanie McHugh: I had a show with Avril and Janae. And Avril looked adorable in matching pajamas and slippers.

And I just had a big old t-shirt on and, you know, baggy shorts and I’m like, dang it. You are the headliner. Adorable, like Avril does. So then I worked with Avril in Grand Forks and I’m like all my cute little pajamas and she’s in a big t-shirt and shorts. I’m like, we gotta match, we gotta get it together.

Morning people vs. night owls

Stephanie McHugh: So I thought, I’m just gonna keep the shirt on. And some of you may be thinking, oh my gosh, are they doing the podcast at like 9 or 10 in the morning? It is currently 1:15 in the afternoon.

Andrea Marie: I know, that is the fun thing about our comedians is we have some early risers, like myself. I get up pretty early. 6:00 AM usually, and then for Nancy Norton and yourself, that’s like the middle of the night for you guys.

Stephanie McHugh: Calm down. Yeah, it is. It’s four in the morning. What are you doing up?

Andrea Marie: It’s all good. I think we just shouldn’t fight against it, you know? Just do what is we. You know, there’s this culture around like, get up at 4:30 and get the early bird gets the worm and crush. And I’m like, that’s not your natural rhythm. Just honor your natural rhythm.

Stephanie McHugh: Right, right.

Andrea Marie: You know, send emails at 4:00 AM if that’s what you feel like doing.

Stephanie McHugh: It does feel weird and it does inhibit my social media sometimes ’cause I feel most alert and funny and productive sometimes at 1 in the morning. But then you’re like liking posts and commenting at 1 in the morning. I’m like, “Hmm, is that creepy?” So I always usually send my emails to go at like 8 in the morning, even though I’m writing ’em. Yeah, so please comment if you think it’s creepy or weird if people like and comment.

Andrea Marie: Yeah, no, let us know what, you guys think. Is it weird? Is it weird to like send a, you know, start an Instagram live at 2:00 AM?

Stephanie McHugh: Exactly.

Andrea Marie: Who knows?

Stephanie McHugh: Yeah, I don’t know.

Becoming a grandma

Andrea Marie: And some fun news about you. You are becoming a grandma.

Stephanie McHugh: I am.

Andrea Marie: Your skin looks beautiful. That is not grandma skin, right there, baby oil.

Stephanie McHugh: Full disclosure, baby oil. It could even be a little bit of baby oil on the computer.

Andrea Marie: On the lens?

Stephanie McHugh: It could be, you know, they did that back in the eighties for Moonlighting. That show, Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd. So Bruce would look crisp and everything, and anytime it’d go to Cybill, it just had kind of the glow.

This is not how I looked at the earlier call, so I think it’s the baby oil and I’m not a morning person. So we have two hours of looking great and then it’s just gonna start sliding back down, which is fine. I’m not complaining at all. I’m gonna be a grandma. Thank you for that.

Andrea Marie: Exciting.

Stephanie McHugh: My daughter is the same age that I was pregnant with her and she’s having a girl.

Andrea Marie: Oh, that’s so neat. I love that.

Buying baby clothes way too early

Stephanie McHugh: So excited and I’m not really a shopper and I think I was kind of with my kids, but especially when they were young, they got so much stuff that I didn’t really buy a lot of stuff.

And I remember my mom was so strict. Like if you wanted good grades, you got good grades, you don’t do it, you don’t get money for it. It’s just what you’re supposed to do. If you’re gonna learn how to ride a bike, training wheels.

Andrea Marie: No rewards.

Stephanie McHugh: Get on there. You just do what you need to do.

And then with my kids, I don’t know who this woman that was my mother. Yes, but like I don’t do it on stage, but I feel like sometimes saying she would let them snort coke off her ass if they asked to. There’s like no boundaries. Just eat whatever you want, whenever you want. If you want it. Of course we’re gonna do that at 10 o clock at night o’clock at night.

I am turning into, I’m still my mother. I’m like, let’s just start buying clothes now. And my daughter. Because I was getting like 18 month clothes. Thought she’s gonna get so many for the first year. I should just plan ahead. She’s like, you need to calm down.

Andrea Marie: Yeah, because sometimes they grow differently and then all of a sudden. The season’s wrong for them.

Stephanie McHugh: I know.

Andrea Marie: Come out chunky or come out skinny, and then it just all throws everything off, you know?

Stephanie McHugh: Yeah. Yeah, sounds weird. It’s fun, it’s exciting, but I just, and you know, you think you’re gonna be a grandma with when you have kids potentially. But when you really think about it, like it’s really gonna happen. It’s yeah, different. It’s fun.

Andrea Marie: Oh, that’s exciting. That’s exciting. Well, congratulations.

Stephanie McHugh: Thank you.

Andrea Marie: So fun.

The “Carol” grandma-name idea her daughter didn’t ask for

Stephanie McHugh: I do a joke where I talk about what I wanna be called? You know there’s Grandma, Nana Memaw. I think I’m gonna go with Carol.

Andrea Marie: I love the joke.

Stephanie McHugh: It’s fresh, it’s hip.

Andrea Marie: Fresh, fresh.

Stephanie McHugh: They already took Karen. They already made that stand. You know, they’re not taking Carol not on my watch. And my daughter hates that joke.

Andrea Marie: I like, what you say? Carol’s fun. She smells like, what is it?

Stephanie McHugh: Marshmallows and scotch at 8:00 AM. She’s the cool grandma. Yeah. So, I’m gonna go visit my daughter and son-in-law over Halloween. So we were talking about costumes and they were gonna go as Nintendo Switch. So I was gonna like get a gray wig and reading glasses and go as a Nintendo 64. The old one, but I thought there, there’s thinking about scratching that idea. ‘Cause we don’t have enough time to make him. I thought, what if I just get a t-shirt that says Carol and she just.

Andrea Marie: I’m just going.

Stephanie McHugh: And like have the gray way and she goes, no ’cause what if she start, what if it becomes a thing and everybody starts call and she starts calling you Carol. She doesn’t want it, so I’m just leaning into it with Moms Unhinged because in normal life I will honor my daughter’s wishes.

Andrea Marie: Yeah, you don’t get it. Yeah. I know it’s hard, but it’s fun to think about. It is.

Stephanie McHugh: It is so fun.

Starting comedy with toddlers at home

Andrea Marie: That’s so funny. Oh, man. Now, you started comedy when your daughters were young, right?

Stephanie McHugh: I did. I wanted to do comedy when I was in my twenties and single living in Chicago. ’cause wouldn’t that be?

Andrea Marie: Yeah. Right, got all the time. Chicago scene, yeah.

Stephanie McHugh: Gross. But I didn’t, I didn’t do it. And then, when I had my daughters, I thought, gosh, what am I waiting for? Why am I not doing things that I want? So I took an improv class and then I met Matt Vogel, actually a fellow comedian, and he said, you should do standup.

So I did. I started doing standup and loved it and won a trip to the Las Vegas Comedy Festival, I think nine months in. So that’s kind of switched it over really nice. So they were like three and five. I remember going to Julie’s preschool for like the parent teacher. And they said, they asked, what do your parents do?

And she said, you talk a lot on the phone and make people laugh. And I said, actually, I do talk a lot on the phone and I honestly, I do go make people laugh sometimes, so she’s not wrong. Yeah, so they don’t really know anything different.

Andrea Marie: Yeah. Right, right. That is so true. Because before five, you have no what parents? What? They don’t have a life, you know. But that’s interesting that they really grew up with you doing comedy, and you were still married at the time, right?

What co-parenting looked like for her family

Stephanie McHugh: I was still married. Yeah, I was married when I started and then I think about four or five years in, we got a divorce. Sure.

Andrea Marie: Mm-hmm. Sugar nuts. Yes, sugar nuts. Your favorite, that is one of the things I do wanna get into today. ‘Cause I think it’s just so interesting ’cause you and your ex-husband who you have a whole bit about and you end up, you call ’em sugar nuts, which is hilarious. And you guys are amicable and, yeah, still talk, still communicate, or you know.

Stephanie McHugh: It ebbs and flows. But I always feel like it’s amicable. And so like, I haven’t talked to him as much recently, but I always wish him happy birthday, happy Father’s Day, and it was really important to me too on , stage to be fun, but never put him down. That is the father of my children.

And I’m really grateful that it’s amicable. I feel like that’s a testament to both of us working at it. I know there’s some people out there that, you know, if the other person, that may not be as easy for them to do or that their partner isn’t as helpful, but gosh, it has helped me to just, there’s sometimes in life in general too, like I get so mad and I wanna just lash out, but if I just calm down.

Andrea Marie: Right.

Stephanie McHugh: I dunno how. And if you’re like, how do you calm down? I’m like, raw cookie dough, like half a tube of it.

Andrea Marie: Just process my feelings.

Stephanie McHugh: It was healthy. And just be calm and no tone to the communication. Man, it makes a world of difference and it is so hard. I’m not saying it’s easy all the time, but you hear other people’s relationship with the other parent and it can be so, and it just can start so easy and it’s hard.

Andrea Marie: Yeah, well, it’s so exactly, and like all of a sudden it’s just escalating, and escalating and lawyers are involved and like it continue to be involved for a long period of time. And it’s hard on the kids. It’s hard. And I’m not saying that. There’s no judgment ’cause it is hard. It is.

Stephanie McHugh: Yeah.

Andrea Marie: You know. It definitely, it is about tone a lot of times ’cause I know sometimes I’ll get a little text because my ex and I are amicable as well and I really appreciate that being able to had that amicable relationship. But there is sometimes where I know we each know how to push each other’s buttons after 20 years.

We know how to just little like word it like that and it’s gonna piss ’em off and, you know, and so it is about like, okay, just taking a breath and not responding right away. You know, just thinking like, I think it, it takes a lot of empathy and understanding on both sides.

Stephanie McHugh: Yeah, it does. Two women came up to me after the show in Louisville that we had at the Louisville Underground. And one of the women said that she’s just going through a divorce or it just ended and she had three teenage daughters and how hard it was. Because if she tries to set a boundary, then they, you know, sometimes will go over to their dad’s and that’s gotta be so tough.

So it just is rewarding to me to, hopefully have them feel heard and be able to laugh. I mean, we have different situations, but just laugh and give yourself a little bit more time to just kind of calm down. Before you have to have that other communication with a partner and hopefully, or your kids, three teenage daughters. Yeah, I lucked out. That’s a weird way to say it, because he got remarried and she was, I didn’t know it at the time. Not nice to the girls.

Speaker 5: Oh no.

Stephanie McHugh: At all. He asked for a divorce, but I think the normal daughters in teenage years can tend to rebel against their mom, which is sort of a normal time to do that anyway, that we didn’t really go through that because she was.

Modeling a different way of co-parenting

Andrea Marie: Yeah, they were, yeah, they were happy to be with you and you know, not have that. Oh, that’s hard. Yeah, that’s hard ’cause it does get really weird when all of a sudden now you’re introducing other partners into the mix. And they can just it can get really weird, like just.

Stephanie McHugh: It can, yeah. And recently too, I think the girls kind of wanted a little more space in, be in between Sugar Nuts and I like, so I would tend to go over to his house if the girls were in town. And that may happen sometimes also anyway, just so they don’t have to try and go to so many. So even though I don’t want to, I just want as much time as I can with them.

They’re the only two people that I would like be happy. Otherwise, I’m feel like I’m an introvert, like I’m good by myself. But if they wanna hang out all day, I’m like, okay, let’s do this. So being respectful of just where the kids are too and having that ebb and flow.

Andrea Marie: Yeah yeah, that’s huge. And I do appreciate the way you talk about ’em on stage and, you know, you kind of make it fun with, by calling ’em Sugar Nuts instead of something disparaging. But I think that is a great model for other people to see. Like people think, oh, is that a possibility?

You can do that. You can, you can still get along afterwards, and it’s just not as common.

Stephanie McHugh: What was really helpful for me is when we were having trouble while we were married, he actually asked if we could go to Landmark Communications.

Andrea Marie: Oh, yeah.

Stephanie McHugh: Kind of a, yeah, self-help. I’m not sure exactly how you would, but I made it my mission statement, I suppose, is I would do whatever I could to support him to be a good dad.

So sort of when you run everything through that it shifts how you would respond in that moment when you’re really angry and sort of like, does this support him being a good dad?

Andrea Marie: Right. Right, right.

Stephanie McHugh: So that was helpful. And then now just a little more space, I think with the girls.

Andrea Marie: Well, and you know, you don’t have to do as much communication when the kids are older out of the nest.

Stephanie McHugh: No.

Andrea Marie: You’re not. It’s really just for that period of time where, you know, you really are still working on supporting the kids in a bigger way. And you know, so that is a weird thing that also comes up is that, you know, I’m like, oh I can go months now without possibly.

Stephanie McHugh: Yeah, we do. We go long times. Yeah, with them.

Andrea Marie: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Stephanie McHugh: With the grand baby coming, like we’ll be at the baby shower. They have a couple’s baby shower, so, men and women. .

Andrea Marie: Yeah, yeah. And I do like how talk about how you walked your daughter down the aisle.

Stephanie McHugh: Yes, we did. On our wedding anniversary. Yeah, that’s a good point, Andrea. ‘Cause that was weird it, you know, to, to kinda get in there.

Andrea Marie: You’re both still walking down the, I mean, could you know, you couldn’t foresee that oh, in. 22 years or whatever it was, you know, we’ll be walking down the aisle again together, but we’ll be divorced.

Stephanie McHugh: So yeah, that was wild. He did, during the pandemic and a little bit before the pandemic, he had a food truck. And so he lived in a northern Denver suburb and he sent me a screenshot of a, what do I wanna say?

He went to a restaurant receipt. And it said Sugar Nuts for his name. They had seen me perform and they knew because of him being around with, I’m like, yes, I have made it and I sell boxers and boxer briefs with Sugar Nuts on it. And he’s like, I should get a cut of that, you know.

For being material. But yeah.

Andrea Marie: Oh, that’s funny. I know. It is interesting doing material about an ex, like if they’re still in the neighborhood, like that was one thing that I had to kinda navigate a little bit. I have a few jokes about my ex-husband who, he’s approved them. He approved them.

Although I did, I did do something that was new that he hadn’t heard and someone he knew was just livid that I was talking about him on stage. And she went to him and was like, you got a lawyer up.

Stephanie McHugh: Oh yeah.

Andrea Marie: I was like, okay, I need to make sure. He’s like, “Hey, I have to live in this area too, so let’s just work on what we talk about.” And so I’m like, yeah, that makes sense. And it wasn’t even that bad. It was just someone who was kinda triggered by the whole thing.

Stephanie McHugh: It sounds like, yeah. Not to be rude to her, but it does sound like a her problem.

Andrea Marie: Well, right. It is.

Stephanie McHugh: It through or she came in hot and angry.

Andrea Marie: Yeah, I mean.

Stephanie McHugh: Instead of letting him decide how he wanted to feel.

Andrea Marie: Right, some people do have, when you have a bad relationship with your ex-husband and it’s just so contentious. I think you’re kind, and it’s a friend of yours. You might be a little more protective and you don’t know what the relationship is like between. You know, that we are amicable and we still have Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving together every year.

Stephanie McHugh: I love your joke. I’m about, yeah, you know you’re not gonna cook the turkey all the way. That’s good.

Andrea Marie: I know. No, but I am grateful that, yeah, grateful that we get to model a different, different way to be with the, with the kids. So that’s good.

Stephanie McHugh: I just love, yeah, how comedy in general too. Now, you know, when I started it was way more, less people up at the top it felt, or less diversity. And now you can see just any, a comedian who you can see yourself in a community. There’s someone up there for everybody, yeah.

Andrea Marie: I think that people are doing kind of, I don’t know if this wasn’t the case, but it does feel like people are telling personal stories that are, kind showing themselves in a could be a very vulnerable light sometimes, you know, cause I think that is where a lot of funny things come in when you are like, examining yourself and being like, oh, that’s kind of, kind of weird. And then you say it and then everyone else is like, “Hey, that’s me too.”

Stephanie McHugh: I know, right? It’s, that’s fun. That’s the beauty of it, yeah.

When your daughter starts explaining the internet to you

Andrea Marie: Yeah, yeah. Now one thing I like to ask everyone is for an unhinged moment you have, and it could be when the kids are young or older, or whenever something, or even your own family.

Stephanie McHugh: In this stage of life, I feel like the girls know so much more sometimes than I do, and I am always trying to be better about social media.

Andrea Marie: Mm-hmm.

Stephanie McHugh: Coming to terms with that. Because sometimes you hear, oh, you shouldn’t be on social media that much, we do. And you just like what we’re talking about, comedy it to be something light and fun that’ll make someone’s day better.

That’s what I go with. So I love donuts, and I’m trying to make it more personal and fun for myself. So I love a Krispy Kreme cake batter donut. I even asked ChatGPT, how does this sound for like, my profile on TikTok and Instagram? Life’s short, sometimes I eat the donut. And it’s like, that’s great.

And it gave me a couple other options. And so I’m so proud of myself and I see Rachel. I go visit Rachel and I told her, I just changed it to life’s short, sometimes I eat the donut. And she goes, mom, that means you like anal sex. Like what? What? And I had even tried to make, ’cause a cake batter donut at Krispy Kreme has.

Yellow frosting with confetti on it. I made an emoji for that, but TikTok won’t let you put that in. You have to use the chocolate donut with chocolate frost. It’s a donut with chocolate frosting, and I had that emoji right after it. And so the joke is, I say I just switched it to life’s short.

Sometimes I like anal, and that doesn’t mean you like donuts either. And Rachel goes, just don’t use any food emojis. Okay, mom, just stay away from the food emojis. Just don’t.

Andrea Marie: They all have double meanings. Don’t do it. Well, you don’t know what you’re getting into. You’re getting into a threesome with a watermelon. I don’t know.

Stephanie McHugh: It could go weird fast. So yeah, and one woman said, she came up to me after the show at Loonees. She goes, I just sent my husband an eggplant and a chocolate donut. And she goes, I was not meaning anal sex with, I was meaning regular sex. So it’s funny.

Andrea Marie: It’s hard to keep up. It’s hard to keep up with what means what, and we’re trying to be hip.

Stephanie McHugh: Trying. Just gotta run things by ChatGPT too, by the way, gave me no clue that that’s, it was like, good job Stephanie.

And then Rachel said, Hey, just for the record.

Andrea Marie: Yeah. ChatGPT, I mean, you’re trying to use ChatGPT to like, you know, be hip and kind of figure it out, but that failed you.

Stephanie McHugh: Yeah, yeah.

Andrea Marie: Yeah.

Stephanie McHugh: Follow me @stephcomedy and then if you see me put anything inappropriate, please let me know. It’s a safe space in the dms. We all need to stick together. Oh, I know what I was gonna say. That’s one of those jokes that I love saying the setup because you can totally tell how old the audience is by the response.

So like, when we had the show in Louisville, I remember there was a lot of people with younger kids and they laughed at the setup.

Andrea Marie: They already know where it’s going. They already know.

Stephanie McHugh: Yeah.

Andrea Marie: They’re like uhoh.

Stephanie McHugh: Oh yeah. Oh, poor old lady. Yeah.

Andrea Marie: That is so funny. That’s so funny. Well, this has just been so much fun. Why don’t you let people know where they can find you online? Yeah.

Stephanie McHugh: @stephcomedy Instagram. Stephaniemchugh.com is my website, and those are about it.

Andrea Marie: Okay.

Stephanie McHugh: Follow on Instagram is what I’m focusing on now.

Andrea Marie: Yeah, I know Instagram followers are huge. Make sure you follow Stephanie and Mom’s Unhinged comedy, both of those for sure. Lots of clips. We’ll be doing podcast clips, comedy clips, information about shows, all of that stuff. So thank you so much, Stephanie, for joining us today. It’s been so fun.

Stephanie McHugh: Thank you Andrea. Yeah, if anyone out there. You have to, I love seeing the progression, Andrea, of your sets. You’re just really on fire and it’s so fun working with you.

Andrea Marie: Oh.

Stephanie McHugh: And all the moms. Thank you.

Andrea Marie: Yes, thank you. Bye everyone.

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