When your dating life becomes a comedy show 

Jen O’Neill: One thing that I have discovered about men, like most of dating is, when you’re a single mom, is listening to single childless men talk about how busy they are.

Andrea Marie: Oh.

Jen O’Neill: There’s a lot of that. There’s a lot of, oh, really? Your day was hard. Okay, mine started at 4:00 AM. You know, not to say that they can’t be busy. But I’m just saying like, it’s really funny to me. 

Andrea Marie: We are Moms Unhinged, a nationally touring standup comedy show. Join us in our podcast as we explore everything from motherhood, midlife, crisis, marriage, divorce, online dating, menopause, and other things that irritate us.

Hello everyone and welcome to Moms Unhinged. My name’s Andrea and I am your host for this episode. I’m super excited to welcome Jen O’Neill onto the podcast. Welcome Jen.

Jen O’Neill: Hi, thank you for having me. I’m excited to be here.

Andrea Marie: Yeah, yeah, super excited. You know, I’m gonna dive in. But you know, really for people who have, who aren’t familiar with Moms Unhinged, we are a group of standup comedians traveling the country, doing shows, and now we’re doing a podcast about our most unhinged moments perhaps. And getting to know all the comedians too.

Why Jen started stand-up after becoming a mom

Andrea Marie: So, Jen is based in Atlanta and why don’t you tell us a little bit about your kids and like all of that. So how you got into comedy?

Jen O’Neill: Sure. So my kids, I have two kids, a boy and a girl, Sully and Louise. Now they are 12 and 14, but I’ve been doing comedy for over 10 years now. So they were very young when I started, but I didn’t start until I had kids, yeah.

Andrea Marie: Yeah. That’s so interesting ’cause you know, especially when they’re that young, that’s a really challenging time. You’re so busy and you know, so what got you into it at that time?

Jen O’Neill: Yeah. So, honestly, I was just desperate for a creative outfit. I mean, I grew up loving comedy and being obsessed with comedy. I was around it a lot. But I just never did it myself. And then, when the kids were real little and I was losing my mind, I’m divorced now, but at the time I was married and, I told my ex-husband, I was like.

I need a night. I have to have one night where I can just like go sit in a coffee shop and like write or something. Like I just have to have like one night. And so we agreed on like that. Wednesday nights I would go up to this local coffee shop that like is near my house and I would write and just have some kind of creative outlet.

But while I was there, there just ended up being an open mic night, an open mic comedy night on Wednesdays at the time that I said I wanted to go. So I would watch and after a while, no offense to the guy that was running it. He’s wonderful. And he’s still doing comedy to this day, Joel Byers.

I was an open mic, so at a coffee shop, so it wasn’t the best coming. So I was kind of like, I can do that. So I like wrote, I put my name down and the way that that worked was like you put your name down and then they give you a date, like a month in advance of when you’re gonna be beyond the show.

And so I had like a month to prepare and I agonized.

Andrea Marie: That’s too long. Yeah, that’s too long, I can’t.

I’m scared when I have 20 minutes.

Jen O’Neill: It is so funny to me whenever I think about like, you know, now that I’ve been doing it for so long and sometimes, and these Moms Unhinged shows are so amazing and like sold out theaters and it’s like I can just like a minute before I go perform for this like huge theater.

I’m like, what do I wanna talk about? Oh yeah. And then I think about that. There was a day where I started where I agonized for a month over doing a five minutes in front of eight people at a coffee shop. And that being the most terrifying thing in the world to me. I remember taking my kids to Fernbank Museum, which is like this science museum for kids.

I remember like, m y kids like asking me for stuff and in my head thinking like, don’t you know I’m about to perform standup comedy tomorrow. I’m busy in my head, okay. Like, I was just like, it’s all I could think about. And now it’s just so funny. You just get so used to doing it that it’s like muscle memory, you know?

Andrea Marie: Yeah.

Jen O’Neill: Yeah.

Creating her own comedy show to get better 

Andrea Marie: And I bet when they’re that young, you’ve got like, well, I mean, I feel like at any age you, there’s just so much material, right? At any age, but for sure when they’re young, you’re like, oh my God, I am gonna lose my mind. I can’t believe it. They’re doing this. But you know what?

Good for the act.

Jen O’Neill: Exactly, I always say that too. When you know, people ask why I started later. I’m like, honestly, like I think it’s a good thing because I already had a voice. I knew who I was. When you get older, you don’t care what people think about you. And then also like, I had all this material, like I don’t know that I would’ve had like a point of view in my early twenties that would be good for comedy.

So I think it was just, you know, meant to be when it was meant to be.

Andrea Marie: Yeah, yeah. That’s so awesome. So you just kept going every Wednesday, performing,

Jen O’Neill: No, so I did that. And then so I did my open mic and then I was like, got it, I’m good. And so then I used to manage these apartments. And the owner owned this wonderful venue across the street at the bottom of this hotel called the Highland Ballroom, which was like very well known in Atlanta, and it just sat there empty on most nights.

And so I asked the owner, I was like, can I have the ballroom to like throw comedy shows? And he was like, I don’t care. So I started throwing a show called Schlitt and Giggles. And so I made myself host it so that I could get better at comedy, but I kind of treated it like I am inviting amazing comedians, local comedians to perform.

I’m just the host. I’m not as good as these people. I like I’m learning and so, but it was a really good bootcamp for me to like make myself do it and get better. And then when you host, when you run a show, people tend to wanna book you more because they wanna get on your show. So it was just like the right vehicle for me to get started, and then I was kinda off to the races, yeah.

Andrea Marie: Oh my God. So you went from like a little bit of open mics to hosting your own show. That’s so great. That is such a, it’s such a mom thing too that. It’s like, you know what? Okay, I can organize this better. Let’s go.

Jen O’Neill: Right, exactly. Exactly. Which is like what I think is so awesome about like what you’re doing with Moms Unhinged. It’s just kind of like you just started your own thing and it’s been incredible for all of us and it’s so funny how many young. Comedians are like, what do I gotta do? I have a kid to get on one of those shows and I’m like, sorry, it’s not for you, it’s for us.

You know, like the like 20-year-old dudes that are like, why can’t I get on these shows? And I’m like, ’cause it’s not for you. So I love that you created this like whole world for us and all the women that get to come watch. It’s just been so amazing.

The reality of dating as a divorced mom 

Andrea Marie: That’s so great. So great, so great. And let’s get into some of your some of the stuff you talk about in your segments, which I am such a fan of. I love that you talk about divorce, you talk about then dating and you, how you’ve been divorced for how many years?

Jen O’Neill: About four years.

Andrea Marie: Four years.

So you’ve had to plunge back into the dating world while your kids were kind of young-ish.

Jen O’Neill: Yeah.

Andrea Marie: How has that been? ?

Jen O’Neill: It’s been fine. I’m pretty protective over my kids as far as like, it takes me a long time before I introduce them to anybody. So they’re kind of not really like in it, if you will. And I’m very secretive about stuff. But I do have tell some jokes about how like one thing that I have discovered about men, like most of dating is when you’re a single mom is listening to single childless men talk about how busy they are.

Andrea Marie: Oh.

Jen O’Neill: There’s a lot of that. There’s a lot of, oh, really? Your day was hard. Okay.

Mine started at 4:00 AM. You know, not to say that they can’t be busy. But I’m just saying like, it’s really funny to me.

Men who can’t handle a homeowner 

Jen O’Neill: But I joke about how, like, you know, in the beginning, I won’t say lately, but in the beginning when I first started dating, it was wild to me how many men were like, intimidated by the fact that I owned my own home.

Like they didn’t like that. 

Andrea Marie: Oh. 

Jen O’Neill: Or because if they didn’t own their own home, they felt like, and so then I joked about how, I have a joke about how now. And that, you know, guys also don’t like when you have kids. So I joke that now what I do is when I invite guys over to the house, I just pretend that my kids are my two pieces of shit roommates and it puts them right at ease. I’m like, yeah, he looks 11, but he is 19 and works at Papa John’s.

Andrea Marie: He’s always late with his rent.

Jen O’Neill: Exactly. No, they owe money. Yeah. No, but I will say that over the last couple years, the quality of men that I’m dating have gone up. So now they’re homeowners.

Andrea Marie: Hey. Yeah. 

Jen O’Neill: Some of them are actual parents. That’s great too.

Andrea Marie: I know. Sometimes it’s funny ’cause I joke that it’s hard to date now because I just know too much. You know, I’m like, there’s so many, there’s just a bigger and bigger list of things that are like nope, nope. 

Jen O’Neill: Exactly. You can see the problems from a mile away. You know.

Andrea Marie: I know. Yeah. 

Jen O’Neill: Oh, that’s gonna be an issue in six months, or blah, And it’s difficult too when you’re a comedian and not only because our schedules are crazy and we’re traveling a lot, but I can’t tell you how many guys have said on a first date, “you know, I’ve always wanted to be a comedian, but I have a job.” And it’s like, oh, really? Tell me more. Like I don’t have like five jobs on top of standup. You know what I mean? They’re like, people always tell me, I would be so good at comedy, but like, I have a full-time job.

Andrea Marie: Yeah. I mean, I could do it. I it and all.

Jen O’Neill: I have like notebooks at home of hilarious stuff I wrote down. Okay, cool. So it’s like.

Andrea Marie: I know, you talk about intimidating, I mean homeowner and then like comedian, they’re probably.

Why she stopped putting “comedian” on dating apps 

Jen O’Neill: They don’t like it. They don’t like it. No. There are guys that say they like it. They say they wanna date a funny woman, but, I don’t know that they do. Like I, they just, there’s a, you know. What’s the saying that when guys say that they want a funny woman, when women say they want a funny man, they want a man to make them laugh.

And when guys say they want a funny woman, they want a woman who laughs at their jokes. You know?

Andrea Marie: It’s very true.

Jen O’Neill: Like, I’m sure. Are you on any of the dating apps or anything like that?

Andrea Marie: I was, I was. And I was dating, I just got out of or, you know, ended a relationship that of nine months. So it’s just, I’m never one to get right back into the apps. It’s just, nope.

Jen O’Neill: Taking me a while too. Yeah. And I’ll say that like, yeah, I stopped putting that I’m a comedian on my profile because like every single prompt is like, tell me a joke, then what’s your funniest joke? They also hate that. They hate when I do that voice, but I’m never gonna stop. I will never stop.

I’ve had men tell that it’s ugly when I do it, that it’s unattractive and they don’t like it. But I’m like, well, I guess I have to find the guy that thinks it’s funny because I’m never gonna stop doing for.

Andrea Marie: Well, then stop. Stop saying weird stuff. Okay.

Jen O’Neill: Stop sounding like that. Alright, and I’ll stop doing that voice, but tell me a joke.

That’s hilarious. I know. The whole, tell me a joke.

First dates at comedy shows

Andrea Marie: Just about the worst. Oh my gosh. So what kind of challenges have you had with dating with young kids? Like, have you? Is it hard to like get, I mean like all the schedule too has gotta be tough. Like with how do you even work in dating?

Jen O’Neill: It is hard. I recently had so I was just like, I got a 10:30 breakfast appointment. Can you do 10:30 breakfast?

Andrea Marie: Here’s my calendar link. 

Jen O’Neill: I know.

Andrea Marie: See where you can fit something in.

Jen O’Neill: Exactly. It’s like I have the kids, you know, half the time, they’re half the time they’re with their dad. So like my schedule is it’s gotta be one of those days that I don’t have the kids.

But then I have, you put comedy in there and it’s like, okay, it’s gotta be one of the days I don’t have the kids and then I am not performing. And so I found lately that I’m just like. Whereas I used to be really like, oh, I don’t want anybody like that. I’m dating to see me do standup. Until now I’m just like, I have a show.

You can come to it. Or like, that’s my window. And so like people would think that’s crazy that I’m inviting. Like I’m like, I just, at that point I don’t like, at this point I don’t, they’re gonna have to see me do comedy, right?

It’s like, might as well rip off the bandaid and let them see me perform, might as well, like see if they’re cool and then with that environment and if they’re cool with just like that my schedule is crazy so I just kind of have to like.

You know, whereas I used to like be too intimidated bring guys to shows. Now I’m just like this is where you can find me.

Andrea Marie: Right. Yet, that’s wild that you invite him so early. I can’t do that. I can’t. I’m like, it’s too much.

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Andrea Marie: So that’s funny though. That’s a funny, that’s your first date. My comedy show. You’ll have to buy a ticket.

I gotta get the butts in the seats.

Jen O’Neill: It’s a real bringer. It’s a bringer show. I gotta get on the apps.

Andrea Marie: Oh my gosh. So what’s the deal breaker at the end? Do they, if they sneak out or if they like leave before the show’s over what.

Jen O’Neill: I’ve never had that happen but someone said to me once, at the end of the night, he said, what’d he say? He said something like, you did a good job or you did good. And I was like, but not what? 

Its sounded like you did it.

Andrea Marie: It was all right. Yeah, okay. This isn’t gonna work out.

Jen O’Neill: Yeah, no, it’s not.

Andrea Marie: You okay?

Jen O’Neill: You’re comedy. It was something very like, something like he was trying to say, I didn’t think it’s funny, but I came and watched it and I have to comment on it. So you did it.

Andrea Marie: You did it.

The night her son knocked out his teeth 

Andrea Marie: Oh my gosh. That’s hilarious. Yeah, what do you say to that? That’s, there’s a flag there. So do you have like any like, crazy unhinged mom moments that you’ve had, you know. Anytime along your, I mean, we all do, but like what’s one of your wildest, unhinged mom moments where you just thought you were going to lose it?

Jen O’Neill: Oh, where I thought I was gonna lose it, oh gosh.

One that comes to mind that happened like not too long ago was just one of those, it was one of those days where it was just like, you know, the longest day of getting up super early, making two lunches, getting two kids, then two breakfasts, then getting two kids off to school, then working a full day, getting two kids home, feeding them, da da da da da da.

Just the longest day. And I was sitting in my office and I was finishing up a bunch of work. The kids were right about to go to bed, and then all of a sudden my son comes running in the, into my office, holding his front teeth in his hand. he had a game on his phone, and he was laying on his back and playing the game like this. He dropped the phone and knocked his teeth out.

Andrea Marie: Oh my God.

Jen O’Neill: And I was just like, I don’t even. And he was so panicked and I was just like, he was so panicked. And then I was just like, I don’t even. I can’t even wrap my head around this emergency right now. Like, I don’t even know, and then I’m like googling, like, what do you do with teeth?

Like the dentist isn’t open. I’m like, do I put it on ice or what do I?

Andrea Marie: Yeah.

Jen O’Neill: And then it was I was like, what do you mean you knocked it out with your phone? it wasn’t even like a cool, you weren’t even skateboarding or anything like so, and then I’m thinking like, oh my God, how much this is going to be like a thousand, a million dollars.

You know what I mean? But luckily.

Andrea Marie: They weren’t, and they weren’t baby teeth.

Jen O’Neill: No. 

Andrea Marie: Regular teeth. 

Jen O’Neill: So luckily the dentist was amazing and I’m gonna say her name’s Else Ashpole. She’s the best dentist in the world. I just went to her today. She like really took care of ’em and gave us a good, good deal and fixed them up and, they’re glued back in there.

Andrea Marie: So what? What did you? I mean, did you glue ’em? I mean.

Jen O’Neill: At the time, he just had to just like sleep on it like that and then yeah, they like glued them back in. And I think one tooth is half of a fake tooth. Yeah, half of a veneer. But that was definitely a freak out moment of just like, I don’t even. My brain is so tired I can’t even compute like what is happening.

And he was so panicked. But I’m sure there have been so many more, but that’s the only thing that I can think of at this moment, yeah.

Andrea Marie: Yeah, that is so wild. I can’t even, and it’s so funny, like these days we’re able to Google things, you know. I can’t imagine, like, what would you do? I mean like, now we can at least get some advice and it’s amazing what is, there’s so much out there that’s available, you know, for advice.

What do you do when you knock out teeth?

Jen O’Neill: I was just talking to my sister about I was just in Spain for a week and I was like, I had Google Maps to get everywhere, you know? And I was thinking, I was like, God, remember when I was a teenager and mom and dad just let me like get in a car and drive to New York?

Like with a piece of paper, I was like 16 years old and I had like a piece of paper that told me how to get from Atlanta to New York where my family lived and I just got in the car and made it there. And I didn’t even have a phone to like call them and tell them like I had to wait until I got to a landline to be like made it to New York.

Andrea Marie: I know. You just wouldn’t even know where they were and now you’ve got them on your apps all the time. You know exactly where they’re. So crazy. It’s wild. You just print out like map MapQuest after MapQuest sheet, you know? 

Jen O’Neill: I know. We survived.

Growing up wild in the South

Andrea Marie: Yeah. So did you have any moments as a kid where you cause stress for your parents?

Jen O’Neill: Yes, yes. We were the worst. We were the worst children. I mean, my mom. I mean, neighbors would sit in lawn chairs on their yard. In their yard and watch the chaos. Because there was four of us, we were bananas. We were always fighting. We were always like literally throwing each other outta windows and through screen doors.

Andrea Marie: God.

Jen O’Neill: I sometimes I feel so guilty. Well, not. I feel guilty for my mom for sure, but I feel guilty that my kids are so well behaved and I just feel like I don’t know that I deserve that. So I’m wondering if like, the teens are really gonna get me, you know?

Andrea Marie: Yeah, yeah.

Jen O’Neill: Their teenage years.

Andrea Marie: I know, it’s scary. Waiting for Karma to come back, you know, it’s like, dang it, when’s it gonna show?

Jen O’Neill: I know. I’m like knocking on all wood, yeah.

Andrea Marie: My God. But your kids are good kids.

Jen O’Neill: Yeah, they’re well behaved. And it makes me a little nervous because my son is 14, and that is the age that I was like, really started getting into like being a bad kid.

Andrea Marie: Yeah.

Jen O’Neill: And so I’m like, he’s so like sweet and nerdy. But I’m like, yeah, right.

I’m like, let me your phone. There’s gotta be like, I’m like looking for cigarettes in his bag and he’s got like, you know, a fun dip in there or something like, you know what I mean?

Andrea Marie: Yeah, yeah. Hiding the cookies.

Jen O’Neill: I know.

Andrea Marie: Or something, yeah.

Jen O’Neill: Are you eating? ’cause you’re still like, did you smoke weed?

Is that what you’re hungry? And he is like, I just ran a mile. And I’m like, yeah, right. Let me see your eye. Like I’m just, yeah. But I know he is a good kid, yeah.

Andrea Marie: Yeah. That’s so fun. Yeah. So what did you get into when you were that age?

Jen O’Neill: Oh God. I was already, I’ll say I moved from New York to Georgia when I was 14, and then I came here with the greatest of intentions.

Andrea Marie: Mm-hmm.

Jen O’Neill: I was like, oh, this will be great. It’ll be an adventure, but southern nothing could prepare me for southern passive aggression. I had no idea what was waiting for me.

And I was this like, you know, New Yorker with big hair and a really thick accent. And so kids just like, were just so vicious to me. And in New York, like where I grew up. Like you weren’t, you didn’t talk shit to each other unless you were going to physically fight, you know? So I didn’t understand when my girls were saying nasty stuff to me, I was like, guess we’re fighting, you know?

So I was like, guess we’re gonna beat you up now. And so like, I mean, I was like, and so I got in trouble a lot for like very first thing my parents had me do when to try to make friends is they made me go to this like church lock in and I got kicked out of it for fighting.

So the south made me real hard. It wasn’t New York, it was the South. So then I had a real big chip on my shoulder throughout. You know, so I got it. I was like, all right, I’m a bad kid now and I’m gonna commit. So I like, you know, drank smoke, smoked some weed, hung out with the like people, way too old for me to be hanging out with.

Andrea Marie: Yeah. 

Jen O’Neill: Stole a car one time. There was that, crashing on the side of the highway. 

Andrea Marie: Oh 

Jen O’Neill: So yeah, I was a pretty bad kid and so that’s why I am like, you know, I look at my kids with side-eye is like, what are you doing? Really? Yeah, but they’re just like.

Andrea Marie: So your mom was unhinged then?

Jen O’Neill: Oh yeah, oh yeah. ’cause I have an older sister who got into just as much trouble as I did. So between, I think she was more focused on my sister ’cause she’s older and that, so I kind of flew under the radar for a while, getting away with stuff. But yeah, my mom had, yeah, we definitely put her through the ringer. She was unhinged.

The Google search that ended everything

Andrea Marie: That’s awesome. That’s awesome. So are you dating anyone now? Any?

Jen O’Neill: I’m going on dates. Yeah, so everything’s very new. I just started dating again, yeah, some. I’m meeting some very nice people. We’ll see what happens every taking it one day at a time. But I just started dating again very recently. I was in a relationship that ended in January around, like I tried to dip my toe back in, and then I was just having the most insane luck, like terrible luck that I was like, the universe is telling me like, no, no, no.

Get off. Like, no, no, no, no. Like, I mean bad dates. Like bad, like when I was like, oh, I’m not really like attracted to him, but he seems funny. Like, you know, he is got a nice personality. I’ll go out with him. And then I went, I really hope he doesn’t listen to this. And so then I went on a date with him and then I was like, oh yeah, he is really funny.

Like, that’s cool. Like I’ll hang out with him again. And then I realized what his last name was and I found that out on the date. And then the next day I decided to give him a quick Google, and it turns out that he was arrested for having an affair with his 17-year-old student.

Andrea Marie: Oh.

Jen O’Neill: Says under the headline, we were in love. Like, he’s not even, he’s doubling down. And so it was like, nope. And then I had a guy who was an hour late to dinner and he kept telling me, no, no, no, I’m almost there. No, no, no. I’m almost there. I’m almost there. I’m almost there. And then when I, he got there, he was visibly shaking and it was so, it was like the most.

So much stuff that I can’t even like say on the podcast.

Andrea Marie: Wow.

Jen O’Neill: And so it was just like, oh, the universe is like, go home. Go home and stop it. Stop this. But I just recently started dating again and, so far so good. Everybody seems nice and normal, but we’ll see. To determined, I guess.

Andrea Marie: Yeah, yeah. That is so wild. Well, good luck. 

Jen O’Neill: Thank you. Because at the end of the day, the thing is like when you’re a mom and our age and you’re a mom and you already have like your home and your kids and you’re whatever, it’s like you just don’t need the bullshit. You don’t need it.

And so it’s nice to find someone who’s cool and like if there’s no drama and everything’s fun and it’s cool, then great. But if the second that there’s like bullshit or drama or whatever, it’s just like, I just don’t, what do I need this for? I don’t, so. 

Andrea Marie: I know, right? So true. That is definitely true. It’s like, yeah. And I think that some guys don’t understand that. They’re like, I’m like, well, I’m good. I’m good. So you better be good.

Jen O’Neill: Exactly. I know.

Andrea Marie: Oh, well, that is awesome. So why don’t you tell our listeners where they can find you, where they can connect with you. And I didn’t even really get into all the cool things that you do. You’ve had two podcasts, you’ve been on tv, you’ve been featured on SiriusXM, like cool, cool stuff.

Jen O’Neill: I can be. So I have two podcasts. One is called The Ridiculous, and that is just where me and a fellow comedian Sally Brooks, we just kind of riff on listicles and stuff. That one’s real lighthearted, fun podcast. And then we have a podcast called Dumb Love. It’s her and I also where we do it’s part true crime, part love story.

So we do a true crime story up front, all love related. And then we finished with the real love story so you could feel good about the world. And then through that, I was on a show on investigation discovery called Seduced to Slay, discussing one of the murders.

Andrea Marie: Oh my.

Jen O’Neill: My episode is called Murder on my Bingo Card, so you can find me there.

That’s on HBO Max. 

Andrea Marie: Wow. 

Jen O’Neill: Yeah. And then on Instagram, I’m @itsjenoneill and on TikTok, it’s Jen O’Neill Comedy. Yeah. Mm-hmm. 

Andrea Marie: And we’ll have those links in the show notes so people can definitely find you. So thank you so much, Jen. This has been so and great to connect with you.

Jen O’Neill: Thank you so much. Thank you so much for having me. And thank you for everything that you do, for all of us moms.

Andrea Marie: Yeah. Thanks. Alright, bye everyone.

Jen O’Neill: Bye.

Andrea Marie: Thanks for listening and make sure you subscribe, share, and follow us on the socials to get more comedy clips.