[00:00:00] Welcome Holly Ballantine

I took my kids to PT City Market a few weeks ago, and my daughter, she’s 11, we pulled into the parking garage. She goes, I know what that smell is. I was like, what? And she said, that’s weed. I was like, what are they teaching you in school? And I homeschool. So I don’t know what happened.

We are Moms Unhinged, a nationally touring standup comedy show. Join us in our podcast as we explore everything from motherhood, midlife, crisis, marriage, divorce, online dating, menopause, and other things that irritate us.

Hello everyone and welcome to Moms Unhinged. Whoa, I’m doing my show start.

Yes, gotta get the vibes right.

You guys. I am super excited. I’m your host, Andrea. I’m joined by the amazing Holly Ballantine. She is one of our Atlanta based comedians. So funny, she has been traveling all over the world or all over the world. All over world to come, all over the country with Moms Unhinged.

She produces her own West End Comedy Festival in the Atlanta area. Welcome Holly.

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

So fun. I just love these, I love these podcasts ’cause that’s like my excuse to talk to our comedians without being like in the middle of a show or whatever, like crazy times.

I know, I know it. Yeah. It’s like we get there and then we start doing business, and then by the end of it, it’s like, okay, let’s get a drink and go to bed.

I know. I know.

[00:01:56] Why she started homeschooling

So this is super fun. So I wanna dive into a little bit of your story with homeschooling your three kids. Let’s talk about that because that sounds unhinged to me.

Yes, it is. It’s a little crazy. I feel like it’s a little bit easier than people think because like y’all, if you don’t homeschool your kids, you have to get up in the morning. You have to get everything packed and deal with carpool. I don’t have to deal with that. I, I tell people when they ask me, I’m like, I just hated carpool.

That’s why I homeschool my kids, so I don’t have to deal with that.

Carpools converting everyone to homeschoolers that does, yeah.

Yeah, because like if you think of the time that you spend, like getting your kids ready for school and then in carpool and all that, like we’re done, you know.

Yeah.

Like three hours or something like that, like to knock everything out and it’s actually a little bit easier than people think.

I don’t have to deal with PTA meetings, you know. I don’t have to volunteer. I am the only volunteer.

Committee of one.

Yes. Yeah, I sign up for everything. I bring the chips and the plates, all of it.

Dang it. That’s so funny, oh my goodness. Yeah. I mean, if I think about the times where I have been probably angriest to my kids. It is getting ready to go to school. So, you know, I’m like, why aren’t your shoes on?

And I also get to use it like for my benefit to the kids ’cause we’ll be like going somewhere fun or something and we’ll drive by school and like see that could be you. That could be you. But we’re going to Chick-fil-A, you know. They have it pretty easy when it comes to the hours that they spend doing school.

[00:03:46] Homeschool routines and independence

Right, right. So did they really, did they enjoy it? I mean, what was the reason you kind of got into it? And how long have you been doing it?

So my oldest is 15 and we started, he went to public school through third grade.

Oh, wow. Long time.

then

Yeah, my daughter, she did kindergarten in public school, and then my youngest, who’s nine, he’s never been to public school. So we were on permissive transfer for a different school district, like a better one than the one we were zoned for.

And then they just got so big they stopped honoring permissive transfers and we had kind of been talking about it. So once they didn’t renew that, we were like, okay. I think that’s our sign to try it, and it just works for us.

Yeah, yeah. That’s great. And so, , do you have? I’m assuming you’ve got some sort of curriculum that you follow or something that you use. It’s not just like sort of like, “Hey, go read these encyclopedias.” You know.

Yeah, it’s kind of a bit of both. Like when I first started, I spent a ton of money on this, like one stop shop curriculum, and my kids hated it. They were so bored and, it was a little too easy. So I kind of, I do my own thing, but I pull from a bunch of different resources, so I have textbooks just like you would have in school for all the subjects.

And then I kind of do my own thing to supplement those things. I’m not just like, here’s a worksheet, learn to spell.

Yeah right. Right, right. Yeah, I mean that’s the thing is like, it can be just, so it’s interesting ’cause it can be just so tailored to each of your children. That’s really cool that, you know, it just really meets them where they’re at.

Yeah, it’s nice and there’s, there’s a lot of repetition in public school that I didn’t realize. ’cause like my one kid would be in third grade and one kid would be in sixth grade. And I was like, why are y’all learning about adverbs? Like you should, you already learned about them. Did you forget what an adverb is?

Like why are you learning about it again three years later?

It’s the nuances of the adverb, you know.

Yeah, yeah. This is a special one.

Advanced adverb section.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh my goodness. Yeah. So, and then do you like, do you and your husband kind of tag team on some of the stuff or like how does that work?

Not really. No, not, not really. There’s, there’s some science stuff. Like I, when we first started, I was like, you handle science. I’ll handle everything else. And then my kids didn’t do science for a little bit, so he has some things that when he finds out what we’re learning about, he’ll add in some stuff.

But it’s pretty much me and he’ll tell you that if you ask him to. It’s pretty much mom.

Yeah. It’s not like what? What? I’m helping?

Yeah. No. Yeah, he would admit it. It’s pretty much me. But my oldest too, they do a lot of stuff independently now ‘they’re older and sometimes my daughter, I’ll wake up and come downstairs and she’s like, oh, I woke up at six. I finished my school for the day.

Like, she, she just gets it done, gets it over with.

Wow. Wow, yeah. That’s a girl for you.

Yes, he’s built differently than my son’s for sure.

That’s really cool. Now, do they enjoy it? Do they like the independence of it? Or are there times where they’re like, eh, I wish I could be, you know, with more people. Or how does that work?

They like it. My daughter, the only thing she says is she wants to go to school dances. And I’m like, well find a boy that’s in public school and he can take you to one. You know, like that’s the only thing that she really talks about. She does company dance. My youngest son, he plays basketball.

So they get to meet people that way. And then my oldest, he played sports for a while. He was good. And then he decided he didn’t like the yelling, even the positive. Even the positive yelling. He was like, not for me.

Too much yelling. That’s so funny. I am actually one of the yellers kinda get where all the other parent I’m like, it’s positive. I’m never like, “Hey, you ref,” you know, but like, I’m kind of like, go get out. Come on, yeah.

Yes. Yeah. Even positive. I’m like, go, go, go, go. You know when they’re trying to get him to run and he is like, no, I don’t like that. Even if you’re helping me, I don’t like it.

I am not gonna do that. Don’t tell me what to do. That’s so funny. Yeah, that, I mean, you know, the thing is like, there’s so many different ways. I mean, so many different activities available to kids now. I just don’t remember a lot of, like, extracurriculars. It was like just, you just had like the stuff at school and that was kind of it.

There weren’t like all kinds of club sports or o utside activities that people could just sign up for, so I’m sure there’s plenty to get involved with, but yeah.

Yeah. They have friends from when they were in school or just from like, playing sports or like my friend’s kids. My daughter, she has three best friends and they’re all named Emma.

Oh no.

three Emma’s. I’m like, is that? I think it’s still the number one name.

Oh yeah.

Can we? We’re done.

Three is the max. We cannot have a fourth emma? No, find it.

You gotta drop one if you find a new one. You got to.

You gotta drop one. Four is the max. And they all sound similar. Two of them look similar. I’m like, it’s too much. It’s too hard.

Yeah, that’s funny. Now do they, do you have other connections with homeschooling parents? Like, isn’t there? Like, it seems like there’s a lot of support for. Homeschooling nowadays, like where people get together in different areas?

Yeah, there’s a lot of Facebook groups. They have co-ops where you can come and take different classes. We don’t do those types of co-ops. we tried it and they, my kids weren’t really into that, but we do like the social aspect of it.

So there’ll be like a Lego club or they’ll have like Nerf wars and we’ll go to the park and you know. Everybody has Nerf guns and we’ll do stuff like that, the social activities, but the academic stuff that we just do all that

Yeah, then how does it work? You’re on the road a lot, you’re traveling a lot. How does that work when you are on the road with the homeschooling? Do they just kind of, are they kind of self-motivated? I guess Dads probably has to pick up a little of the slack.

Huh?

Yeah, so when I give them all their assignments so they know what they have to do, and then my husband knows what they have to do, if I’m leaving towards the end of the week, like if I’m gonna be gone on, because if it’s Moms Unhinged shows I’m gone earlier. But like, if I’m doing my own stuff, I usually would leave on like a Friday.

So sometimes my kids, they’ll just be like, we’re just gonna do our Friday school, like during the week. So then by the time I leave, they’re done. If it’s like in the middle of the week though, my husband. He will oversee to make sure they get it done.

But then sometimes I’m like, oh, looks like you missed two days of vocabulary or something like that for youngest. But my oldest two, it’s a little bit easier. They’re a lot more self-motivated.

Yeah, that’s great. Yeah, that’s great. And then I bet like, you know, it’s probably because it’s kind of a shortened day, you can catch up kind of fairly easily if you miss a little bit, you know, so that’s nice.

it’s also good for me too, just like ’cause if I’m at home, I’m doing shows at night, but I don’t have like mom guilt because I’m like, no, I’m good. I was with my kids all day.

Yeah, yeah.

It’s not like they got home at five and then I left. Like we’ve been together all day. They’re fine.

That’s why you got into comedy, right? You’re like, I have gotta find an evening activity. Get me outta here.

Yeah. I know everyone’s always like, where are your kids when you’re at shows? It’s like, with their dad.

Yeah.

Yeah. And the whole beginning of our marriage, he would travel internationally. Like he would be, he was in Japan for like two weeks and and the kids were little and I’m like, I’ve got some mulligans. You know, like, it’s okay.

Yeah. No one’s asking. Where’s your wife?

Yeah, no one asked the male comics that either. They’re not whose taking care of your kids while you’re out?

[00:12:38] The Chris Rock story that launched her comedy career

I know. So true, so true. So yeah, that’s a good segue into, I wanna hear the story about how you did get into comedy. I’m assuming it wasn’t just to escape your kids, which it is a good reason. Valid.

Yeah. That’s a perk. It’s not a reason, it’s perk. Yeah. My husband and I loved comedy and we would always go to comedy shows. And for his birthday, one year I got him tickets to see Dave Chappelle and Jon Stewart when they were on tour.

Oh man. Oh my gosh, wow.

It was at the Tabernacle in Atlanta.

Such a cool venue. And they had a special guest each night. And the night that we went, it was Chris Rock. It was Chris. It was so cool. So yeah, it was such a good show. And at the end of those shows, they would always do a Q&A and they would pick like six random audience members to come up to talk to them and ask a question.

And I was like, three Red Bull and Vodkas deep, and I was the sixth person chosen, so I went to the front and there’s like 2000 plus people in there and I’m waiting for my turn and everyone was asking them, you know, like political stuff, like, oh, when are you gonna run for president? And just different stuff like that.

And when I got up there, I was like, I’m just gonna make them laugh. Like I just wanna make them laugh. And Chris Rock had told this story about how he had like cheated on an ex-girlfriend and the girl that he cheated with was trying to get back in touch with him and her name was Brandy.

And he was telling her he was a changed man, you know, to stop calling. So when I got up there, I was like, well, first of all, I just wanna say as Chris Rock’s new girlfriend, I am not mad at Brandy. And I just made ’em all laugh. And then I did like a callback to something Jon Stewart said. And on the way home I was like, you know, if I can make those guys laugh, I could probably make other people laugh.

And I signed up for my first open mic in the Uber on the way home at Laughing Skull. Yeah.

No way. That is cool, that is awesome. What a cool story. So, yeah, so, Chris Rock, Jon Stewart and, oh my goodness.

Dave Chappelle.

Chappelle.

Chappelle. Yeah.

Roped you in. They got you in there. Yeah.

I sent Chris Rock a message to tell him after I did it, and he didn’t respond, but he did heart it. He did heart react to it, I think it was on Twitter, yeah.

Oh, that’s so cool. Oh, that’s awesome. Yeah well that’s, that is a good story. So when did that, when was that? How long have you been doing comedy now?

[00:15:19] Starting the West End Comedy Festival

It was 2018, so seven.

Wow, Wow. that’s awesome. That is awesome. And you, I mean like seven years. And how long have you been running the West End Comedy Festival?

So we’re coming up on our fifth year. So I think when we had our first festival, I was three years in and there was another guy, Joe Petti, he was like the mayor of Atlanta Comedy. There was a group of us that had venues right next to each other.

So he kind of started it and then there was a couple other people, so it wasn’t just me, like little baby, three years in on my own. You know, there was a group of us and, he did it for two years and then after the second year, he wanted to focus on other things.

So I took the reign. So I think I was about five years in when I took, like, became like the person in charge.

Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. I was gonna say, that is pretty gutsy to be like taking that on when you’re so new. Although, you know, some people do it like I know I have some friends who are like, “Hey, you know, this thing that I wanna do, it’s just not out there and I’m gonna just do it.”

And they’re like a new comedian running, you know, a multi show thing and I’m like more power to you and as long as long as you’re putting on a good show and really, you know, kind of treating everyone right.

Then I think it just like, we need more of that, you know? It’s hard. Definitely. It’s hard to organize. So how many people are usually in the festival?

So we say that we’re gonna accept at least 35. The past few years we’ve had like 40 to 43 comics. We usually get around 600 submissions and this next one year five, it’s bigger and better than ever. We’re doing three days. We have eight headlines. Incredible headliners this year and submissions are open now.

Submissions have been open for I think nine days and we already have 150 submissions just in first nine days.

Oh my goodness.

We’ll see. Hopefully it’s good, yeah.

Yeah. So you’re having to get through all of that and do all of that plus tour on your own, plus homeschool. Plus, you know, whatever else is going on in your life. How do you do it all?

I don’t sleep a lot people,

It’s a Red Bull. Red Bull and vodka.

I it’s the Red Bull and vodka. I, people ask that all the time, like, you know, are, area night person? Are you a morning person? I’m like, I kind of have to be both.

Yeah, yes.

I stay up till midnight 1:00 AM and I pretty much, I wake up with the sun and every day.

Even when I was at your house in Colorado, it’s whatever time the sun was up, that’s when I was up. It’s how I am. I can’t help it.

Yeah. That is totally the same with me. I can’t, it doesn’t matter what time I go to bed, it just means that I’m getting less sleep because I still, I cannot sleep in. It’s like, oh, you know, in summer I get a lot more done ’cause we have a lot, lot more daylight.

Well, it’s quiet too. It’s, you know, sometimes it’s hard to think with the chaos and so it’s like when everyone else goes to bed, that’s when I’m like, okay, now it’s me time. Now I can take care of what I need to take care of.

Yeah ’cause I mean, that’s kind of an interesting thing because, you know, when I was starting my business before this business, I was doing it while the kids went to school. I was like, oh, thank goodness they can, they’re going to school now, and I can, you know, focus. But, you know, school time’s your time.

There’s not a lot of. Not a lot of Utah, although I’m imagining they’re independent workers, so it’s not like they’re, you’re sitting there up at a chalkboard the whole time.

No, and I think that’s what people think a lot of times with homeschool is that I’m yeah, I’m up there like leading the lessons. It’s like, no, this is the instruction. These are the instructions. If you need help, let me know.

Yeah.

It’s a lot of independent working and then a lot of like out of the house, like hands-on types of stuff.

Like some, when we were learning about fractions, like we just made pancakes. It’s like this is a fourth of a cup. This is two thirds. Like, you know, that we do a lot of hands-on stuff that’s just not like nose in the book kind of thing.

Yeah, yeah. That’s fun. Yeah, that’s fun. You can, you’ve got a lot more leeway. There’s no like, you know, huge deal with going on a field trip where you gotta, you know, you can just go on a field trip whenever you want, you know? That’s really great. I love that.

[00:20:12] Holly’s unhinged $20 silence bribe

Yeah, so one of the other things I love to ask people is like, what is an unhinged moment you have had either like with your kids or with your mom or whatever it’s been. I’d love to hear that story.

Well, there’s so many. It’s like, which one do you, do you pick? When my kids were younger and my husband traveled a lot, we were also foster parents. So yeah, we, at one point I had, i’m trying to think. I think Grayson was, Grayson was six, Violet was three, and then Emma was two.

And then I had like a six month old and yeah. And it was, this was like, right. But this was before comedy. And my husband traveled internationally, like I said, and he was in Japan. And I just like, I was done. We had had a checkup that day, a well check. And like our foster daughter at the time, Emma, I mean, I remember she was like wearing a dress and she like ripped her diaper off in the middle in the middle of the doctor’s office.

Like, one of the kids was just, it was like one of those situations that you see in a movie and you’re like, how could parents ever let their kids like, behave that way? But I was outnumbered.

Yeah. There’s no letting your kids behave that way. It’s like they’re just.

I know, it’s like, do I grab the one who’s running around naked or the one that’s about to fall off the table? Who do I pick?

Pick your favorite.

Yeah, and then by the time we got home, I mean, I was done and my husband was coming in from Japan, like that day. And I just remember like I came in and I just kind of lost it on everyone. And I was like, okay, this is what we’re gonna do.

I was like whoever is quiet the longest I was like, gets $20 and I just, I was literally bribing young kids, you know? I could have said like a lollipop and they would’ve indulged, but I was just so desperate. I was like, whoever’s quiet the longest. Gets $20 and then to them, that’s just like winning the lottery.

Yeah, yeah. So I just remember like my husband like coming in and just being like, is everything okay? How is there, how is it dead quiet? Like there’s no noise. And then I was like, oh, that’s a me thing. And then of course they all went crazy after that. But I was just like, wow.

I’m literally bribing toddlers. Toddlers with money, which I have started a trend ’cause like I told you before, I paid my son to help me set up the microphone and everything to do this podcast. So I think I started a trend, what, like 11 years ago.

Yeah.

Just how we do it here.

I know cash talks. All right.

Yes. Yeah, it does.

Oh my God, I think that’s a great, great use of 20 bucks. I personally think that that is so valid. I just feel like that’s a parenting hack right there. I’m sure it’s wrong, whatever. You know, someone who’s like, no, that’s, but you just do what you can do.

I mean, it’s so exhausting. I can’t imagine. They’re so all so young and just like so much energy.

So much energy.

Yes, it was a lot to have, I think it was four under six. And that’s why, I mean, I do feel guilty when I go out of town a lot and stuff, but then I remember those days and I’m like, at least they’re all potty trained. You know, I’m leaving you with three fully potty trained kids. Like it’s okay.

[00:24:13] Foster parenting and staying connected

Yeah, that is wild. That is crazy. So you were foster parents. How long did you do that?

We were foster parents for I think four years. We did it for four years. And the last placement that we had, Emma, she was reunified with her mom and we were really close to them. And then her and her mom moved in with us for a year after that. And yeah, she was wonderful. She’s doing great.

We’re still close with all of our foster kids. We’re reunified with their birth parents. And we just stayed close with them. We still keep in touch with all of ’em, but she’s one of the Emma’s that’s my daughter’s best friend. That’s her. She’s one of the that’s Emma S.

Uh huh. Oh, that’s so neat. How wonderful, like what a great success story to have and it just like so nice to still be part of their lives ’cause I imagine you would get pretty attached to having them. You know, after getting to know them and having them, living with them and taking care of them for a long period of time.

That would definitely be hard to just kinda lose attachment or lose connection with them.

Yeah. I know, people tell me all the time, they’re like, oh, I could never do that. ‘Cause I would just be too attached and not want them to leave. And it’s like then you’d be an awesome foster parent ’cause that’s what you want. You don’t want a foster parent that’s like, oh, thank God they’re gone.

You know? You want, it’s supposed to be hard. That means you’re doing it right.

Yeah, yeah. That means you’re doing a good job loving them and being, you know, being in connection with them. That’s really important. And it’s just so important for thriving later in life. So not to feel like this kid who gets kicked around and not wanted, so yeah.

That’s. That’s really great. Well, that’s, that’s a wonderful thing, but I can’t imagine, you know, doing it as a single parent essentially for a couple of weeks while he was traveling.

That was was a bit much one time when we got Emma as our placement, they called us and we had said, oh, we can handle someone that’s maybe like around the age of like one to two. ’cause that fit like right in the ages of our kids because we didn’t want one older than our oldest and we didn’t want one younger than like our infant.

And we got a call and he was on a flight and I couldn’t like, talk to him about it and I had to make a decision and I was like, uh, sure. So, when he landed I was like, uh, so that’s probably a good unhinged moment. I was like, surprise. We have another one.

We’ve got another baby. Oh my gosh. Oh, wow. Yeah that is, but it sounds like you must be very, if you’re both agreeing to the foster parent, you must both be on the same page with that. So that’s, you know, really great.

He’s not good. He’s pretty chill go with the flow. He’s a good dad.

Yeah, yeah. And how long have you been married now?

15 years. Don’t do the math.

Well, I love your bit about that. The father of my children.

Yeah, I couldn’t wait. It is funny when one anniversary, my husband always, for our anniversary, he gets me whatever the year is, like if it’s paper or whatever. And one year it was paper. So he had one of those things printed out and it’s like Holly and Jason, and it’s like the year we got married and then it has all our kids. So it’s like Holly and Jason 2010. Grayson 2010, and it’s just at our front door for the world to see.

Here we go. Oh man, that’s great. But that’s great that, that it all has it. It sounds like you guys have just a really fun household and that’s great. So I love it. And he’s not traveling quite as much these days.

No, he doesn’t really have to travel much at all. The company he works for is based out of Columbus, Georgia, which is a couple hours away. So he has to go there maybe once or twice a month, but no more international travel.

Yeah.

For him. hopefully me.

Yeah, that’s right. That’s when Moms Unhinged is going international and we’ll be doing that.

[00:28:41] Balancing comedy, travel, and family life

Now do you ever take your kids on the road or anything like that.

I do. Yeah, we do. We do that a lot. I did some shows. They’ve been to Asheville, they’ve been to Nashville, they’ve been to Florida, Texas. The first time that they ever flew with me, I did a show at Hollywood Improv, but we didn’t go for that reason. We were doing like a vacay.

But when they tell the story, they’re like, oh, my mom had a show. So we went and it’s like, it is not really that cool. I picked up a show ’cause we were already going to Disneyland. So that’s the only time we’ve like flown. But Atlanta is like right in the middle of so many great cities.

It’s like four hours away from pretty much everything. So we’ve done a lot of little family vacations where they just come with me on the road and then I go do the shows and we do fun stuff.

Yeah, yeah. I love that. Now, have they seen you perform?

Yes and no. I mean, they’ve never like actually been to a show, but the punchline here does an outdoor show for Avalon, like a shopping center, and one of the worst shows I’ve ever done in my whole career was like three years ago, and they were outside walking at all the shops. And when I met back up with them, my daughter was like, mommy, we heard you telling jokes. But we didn’t hear anyone laughing

That’s how it goes sometimes.

Well, that’s because they weren’t honestly.

And honestly that’s outdoor comedy half the time. So, it just is always a little weird outside.

I used to be better about posting stuff on YouTube, but my oldest, he makes a bunch of videos. He has like 25,000 subscribers. I keep trying to get him to share my stuff and he says no. YouTube’s like the big thing for that age. They’re on YouTube a lot.

And I posted the clip that you were talking about couldn’t wait to get married ’cause I was already pregnant. And then the other, it was probably like a year ago and someone commented and they were like, are you Grayson’s mom?

Oh gosh. Oh boy.

Hmm. I think my jokes have reached the wrong part of the internet. Yeah, and of course it had to be that joke.

I know, right? I know, of course. Oh my gosh. Yeah that is, it is a challenge. I didn’t let my kids see my comedy for a little while, but yeah, they’ve seen it. Now that they’re older, they can appreciate that mom doesn’t hate them.

know?

Yeah. They’ve heard, I mean, they’ve seen me edit clips and stuff. They haven’t been to his show. I’d probably let my oldest, he just doesn’t want to yet. He may eventually, but right now he’s like I’m good. You’re not cool. I’m sure my friends think his friends think it’s cool that I do comedy, but I don’t know that he thinks it’s cool.

Yeah, he will someday. So well, this has been so much fun, Holly. Thank you so much for joining us. And why don’t you let people know where they can find you online?

You can find me on Instagram. It’s Holly not Valentine. My last name’s Ballantine, but it’s just easier to spell Valentine. So hollynotvalentine, or my website. Hollyballantine.com.

Yep and we’ll have those links in the show notes. So thank you so much again, and thanks everyone for tuning in.

Yes. Thank you, thank you. This was a blast. Thanks for having me.

Yeah. Bye everyone.

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