Alice Brady’s doppelganger

Speaker: I really did stand up at a menopause conference and I said to the crowd there that I looked like Alice from the Brady Bunch.

Lemme tell you something. Nothing could have prepared me for the thunderous reception that that line got in that room. Okay, sent you straight into menopause, honestly. Because I feel like for that audience, and maybe you too, I say that I look like her. And what goes through your minds is that’s who I thought you looked like and you laugh.

But meanwhile, and maybe there are some of you here tonight, there are younger audience members who literally will come up to me after shows and be like, were you really Alice from the Brady Bunch? I’m like, yes. I’m 99 years old and I’m dead actually.

Andrea Marie: We are Moms Unhinged, a nationally touring standup comedy show. Join us in our podcast as we explore everything from motherhood, midlife, crisis, marriage, divorce, online dating, menopause, and other things that irritate us.

Hello, and welcome to the Moms Unhinged Podcast. I’m your host, Andrea Marie. I am joined today by the amazing Liz Glazer. She is incredible. She was just recently on a couple of shows out in New York on Long Island last week, and we are just so delighted to have Liz as part of our Moms Unhinged community. Welcome, Liz.

Liz Glazer: Thank you so much, Andrea. Really, I love being a part of your community, through Moms Unhinged. The shows are fantastic, which people who’ve been to them know and really very happy to be part of those. And also to get to chat with you like, I mean, we have, you know, not in this format, but I love your community.

I love your shows because so much of my thoughts are constituted around being a mom and being unhinged. And so it’s nice that, you know, there’s like a call in terms of like the theme, because it gives those thoughts a place. So I appreciate that very much.

Andrea Marie: For sure. And if you are not familiar with Liz, she was recently on the Tonight Show. Hilarious. And she has a special on YouTube, so definitely you have to go check that out. We will have the links in the comments with that, but yeah, so let’s dive in and talk about.

The anxiety of parenting a two-year-old

Andrea Marie: You know, we were talking just briefly about just the stress and the anxiety of early childhood parenting. So let’s dive into that ’cause it is so stressful.

Liz Glazer: Yeah, well I think it starts right away because, I mean, if one has a hospital birth in the United States, the anxiety comes the moment that you’re there because the nurses, God bless them truly and deeply are like, okay, great. You have this baby. First of all, it’s gonna be asleep all the time, and when it’s sleeping, you’ve got to do this visual art project perfectly or else, of swaddling.

Andrea Marie: Yeah,

Liz Glazer: And it’s like so, like, I’m not good at art. And I know that, for a fact, like sometimes people are like, oh yeah, say I’m not like a visual person. I know I’m bad at visual art because when I had, we had art in high school.

And in 10th grade we had this art project that was like, I think the point was about positive and negative space, and you were supposed to like to do something with the colors and shade them in the positive and negative space.

I really had no idea what I was doing, but I did it. ‘Cause it was, you know, school or whatever. And for some reason for 15-year-old girls, the art teacher, that class was like, we’re gonna experiment with critiques.

Andrea Marie: Oh God.

Liz Glazer: Of each other. And so our art teacher hung up everybody’s project with clothespins on a drying line and was like, here you go, girls. Like start. I mean, ’cause 15-year-old girls, of course, are the kindest and known to be. And so, but even they were like, well, we don’t really wanna, like this is so mean and weird.

Why are we being told to do this? But then somebody was like, okay, like the art teacher would not relent. And so she’s like, somebody has to start. We’re not leaving until some, we actually do this critique. And so somebody broke the ice finally, and this was what got the room was this one person in my 10th grade class was like, well, I don’t really wanna say anything. But like, obviously that one, pointing to mine is terrible.

And everybody finally could get on board. We’re like, oh, yeah. Well, I mean clearly like I don’t know what that person was thinking. So that’s my background with anything with my hands and visual. And then you’re telling me that I’ve gotta somehow apply the origami skills. I know I don’t have to doing this perfect burrito.

The pressure of doing everything “right” as a parent

Liz Glazer: And like the nurses are amazing at it, right? Like she, the nurse is like a chef from Benihana and she’s like flipping the baby with an onion in her belly button, you know, whatever. And then the nurse is like, okay, now you try. And I’m like you know, this can’t be the end goal here. I can’t be the thing that seals the fate, you know?

‘Cause like I’m not good at this. And of course then, you know, you get home from the hospital and everybody’s like, there’s Velcro swaddles. And I’m like, why don’t they just tell you that? Like, why? What’s the point of that exercise?

And I feel like that process and that like cluelessness and desperateness is really emblematic of all of like arguably parenting. But at least, you know, I have a two and a half year old now, so I only know up to what I know.

But like there’s so much of that where it’s like, oh, tummy time. Like everybody does tummy time. Meanwhile, somehow my child. one second in bawling. Like, this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. And then, so then of course, as a parent, you spiral. Or at least I do and did and will. I know. You know, because I’m like, okay, so she can’t do tummy time, so that means she won’t be able to roll over.

If she can’t roll over, then she’s gonna have to be stuck into her snoo, you know? Until that’s like her marital bed is gonna be a bassinet.

Andrea Marie: Yeah.

Liz Glazer: Basically what I’m thinking. But it’s like that for every thing you know, because there’s always a developmental milestone and then you’re like, wait, is it happening yet?

You know?

Andrea Marie: Right, am I doing it right? Is it everything I really like? I really never understood how many ways there were to ruin a human.

Liz Glazer: Yes.

Andrea Marie: I was like, there’s a million ways and it just today. And you’re really just so, you have no idea and. You know, it’s terrifying.

It is terrifying. And it doesn’t matter how many books you read because like they all have a whole different experience. And your kid can be very, very different than, I’m like, well, they’re supposed to be doing this and they’re not doing that and you know.

Liz Glazer: I also am very much like I am persuaded by my own life experiences. And also just like, okay, I know I talk a lot about being anxious and that is true. But I also like getting really relaxed about her progress is probably the way.

Andrea Marie: Yeah. Yeah.

Liz Glazer: I do understand that. And yet there’s also just like, okay, but could I be doing Enough? Because that’s also something that I think about a lot for myself.

Liz’s journey from law professor to stand-up

Liz Glazer: I mean, for people who don’t know, I had this whole other career. I was a law professor, I was a lawyer. I had tenure, I gave it up. I do comedy now.

I’ve been doing comedy for 13 years. In March it’ll be, so it’s like, but through that I’ve learned a lot of lessons. Right. I mean, one would hope. But I do really think that I have and like you know, a lot of those lessons have to do with letting go of pressure and like societal expectations of what matters.

And I could go on about that for a long time. But the way that I think about its applicability to parenting is like my desire is to put less pressure on my kid because, you know, I appreciate and understand why and how my parents applied the amount that they did to me. And we’re obviously, we’re all only doing the best we can.

Yes, to all of that and to the extent that I can learn lessons, then I want to, but like in terms of doing everything I could, like I remember.

So I went to the University of Chicago for law school. Grade school did a lot for me. Ultimately, I think it really was the right place for me to go, but at the time that I was applying to law school, I really thought I wanted to get into Columbia Law School, and I was so fixated on that.

That I would, and I got waitlisted yes to Columbia Law School, and I did. I would write them letters on a weekly basis since the time I got waitlisted all up until I showed up to the dean of admissions office. And I had shown up at his office before on the first day of school for Columbia Law School, the year that I would’ve gone.

And the reason that I could do that is because Chicago started on a trimester. So I was like, still you know, in the area I lived in the area of Columbia. But anyway, so I show up on the first day of school just in case somebody didn’t come.

Andrea Marie: Oh man.

Liz Glazer: And I didn’t get in. The dean of admissions are like, they’re all here.

Please go home, like and comply with your restraining order. you freak. But anyway, but like my point with that story is like when I think back to the decision to go to this law school versus that law school, like everything that happens.

The parenting spiral every mom knows

Liz Glazer: First of all, I don’t regret any of it. Even though I’m actively not using a law degree on a daily basis, but I really think about that effort to try and get into Columbia a lot because I’m like, at least I knew that I did everything right.

There’s no doubt. Like I showed up the first day of school, like just in case. And I think about that with parenting and really with everything is like, did I turn over every stone? Because I can trust myself to at least research the stones to turn over.

And if I don’t, then I’ll kind of always know that I didn’t. And so, you know, I think about that a lot with parenting because it’s like, yeah, every, we don’t know. Nothing certain.

Andrea Marie: Does feel unlimited in terms of, did I do enough? It feels unlimited. And you can also arguably do too much.

Liz Glazer: True too.

Andrea Marie: I mean, like all of a sudden you’re like, okay, I’m gonna just manage it all for the kid. Now the kid’s like, well, I can’t do anything.

Liz Glazer: Right.

Andrea Marie: That’s true too. It’s this weird balance.

Liz Glazer: I mean, obviously we’re all just trying to figure out what that weird balance is, but I think a lot about that.

Andrea Marie: Yeah. I mean, luckily I think there’s so much more available and so much more known about, you know, parenting and when my mom was parenting us, it was just like feral. Go on out, you know, whatever you’re, good or bad or whatever. I think.

But there’s definitely a lot more research, it seems like then what was available in our parents’ time. So are you enjoying your time? Can you feel relaxed into it or is it?

Liz Glazer: Yeah, I do. I really enjoy it. I enjoy it more than I ever even thought I would because, you know, I come to parenting a little bit of a different way because I am a non-birthing female parent. I’m a mom. And I was never pregnant. I didn’t birth a child. And so in my act I focus on that element quite a bit because, I mean, it’s my personal experience. But I think it’s unique, different from mine and some other people’s.

And so there is this kind of strange space that we occupy. I think too that like there’s this, I’ve noticed sometimes on the part of like other lesbians who I know that it’s like, no, we’re the same. We’re the same. Like we’re both the moms and da da da and there’s no dad.

And I’m like, I guess. But like also, you know, I don’t feel threatened to explore the ways in which there are differences to the extent that there are. And I don’t think it’s as easy as it maps on to a mom and a dad role. But also every person is different, every mother’s different, every father’s different. So anyway.

And also I love that my, my daughter specifically, I mean she knows I’m a comedian, but like what does that mean to know that at two years old? But she knows that things that are funny are fun. And one thing that is funny to her is like, sometimes, you know, we’ll be going out and we’ll be like, who’s coming?

It’s like, well, Grandma, Mama, Mommy. And then sometimes I’m like, who’s coming? And she’s like, daddy. And I’m like, oh, is he really? And so, I think that that derives from the other kids in her class saying like, well, daddy’s doing this. And she’s like, I don’t have a daddy.

That’s funny. And so I love it because like, you know, there are quite a few punchlines of mine that, some of which precede her birth. Even about like the turn being that I’m the daddy and you know, whatever. And so it’s just, it’s fun to me that she seems to intuit that as its own punchline, for whatever, wherever it comes from for her, which like, of course I don’t entirely know.

Andrea Marie: Right, yeah.

Liz Glazer: Yeah.

Andrea Marie: It is interesting to see, like, I was always like making sure that my kid, I’m like, they just have to have a sense of humor. That’s it.

Liz Glazer: Oh, totally. Well, she definitely does. I mean, there are a couple things that she said that are like good jokes. And so one is, you know, from her daycare, they’re always constantly writing notes. I mean, they’re basically like traffic cops just with all the reports that they’ve gotta do from daycare.

Andrea Marie: Yeah.

Liz Glazer: One of ’em was, that I guess there were three kids in class that day and the teacher, they were painting. And so the teacher asks kid one, what did you paint? And the kid says, dinosaurs, what’d you paint the other kid flowers?

To my daughter. What’d you paint? She says, paper. And I’m like, that’s an amazing, literal, you know, just a regular Mitch Hedberg.

So that’s fun. And then she also likes that certain things get a laugh as you know, children do and then says them. And so one that, like this is one that I’ve been kicking around. I think it’s really funny and, you know, whether it turns into something like on stage, I have no idea. But I think it’s funny.

The taxi driver named Mark

Liz Glazer: I think a lot about my own first memory. And I think about that in the context of my daughter because I’m like, when’s she gonna go live? Like when are we gonna start recording? And so it’s interesting to me because I remember my own, but also because toddlers do have some memory and you can kind of like, memory isn’t in a way, it’s an on off.

Because, ’cause any adult, you can remember a time before you remembered that said, if you’re really observing a baby and toddler, there are things that they remember. It’s just that then they forget them later. Right. And that is kind of similar to language acquisition. Like it kind of comes developmentally like slow and in phases and you know, whatever.

And so anyway, but they fixate on weird stuff. And so for my daughter. It’s like people we don’t have a relationship with who she is obsessed with.

Andrea Marie: Uh huh.

Liz Glazer: I mean, arguably she gets that from my side, but it’s like, we recently went on a trip. Trip was about 10 days.

Obviously any taxi driver, she’s like. Who’s that? What’s his name? Who driving? And I’m like, excuse me, what’s your name? Like, apparently,

Andrea Marie: We need to know.

Liz Glazer: Right? Like this is hugely important. You’re being interviewed. Are you her daddy? Like, I don’t know what is going on here, but she’s really trying to figure it out. And so anyway, so that’s pretty common.

And so we were on a trip, the guy who drove us from the airport, his name is Mark. Okay and he was, you know, a nice guy we talked to because like, sorry, what’s your name? Mark. That’s Mark.

Okay, then for the next like two to three days of the trip. She’s like, every time we’re like, who’s coming? Mark? Mark coming? Like, no, he is not coming. And then she would be like, but Mark, where’s Mark?? And I’m like, oh my God. And so she was really into Mark. Fine. And then she got over it because time passed and she’s two, so she doesn’t have an actual memory that’s like on air for real. Okay. So then you know, the rest of the trip we meet other drivers.

We have our experience. Then finally we’re going to the airport. 10 days later, we unload from our taxi driven by another person. And then in the taxi line, somebody’s like Liz. Liz. Liz. And I’m like, what? And then it’s Mark, the driver. And I took my daughter and I was like, oh my God, you are not gonna believe who this is.

Like you were asking for him. He was your focus point. Like all you could talk about. And then I’m like, look. And she’s like, who’s that? And I’m like, that’s toddler memory.

Andrea Marie: Right.

Liz Glazer: It is just like, get outta my face. Like leave me alone. Why are you showing me this random man? And I’m like, he was everything to you on Monday.

Andrea Marie: Oh my God, that’s hilarious. That’s so toddler classic though.

Liz Glazer: I know.

Toddlers changing their minds about food

Andrea Marie: And feeding them too. It’s like, you loved this. I went out.

Liz Glazer: Oh yeah.

Andrea Marie: And bulked up on it, and now you cannot. You’re like, why are you feeding me that, you know?

Liz Glazer: So, they’re like mobsters in that way. Like you, like she’ll pick out something that we hid, you know, because it has nutritional value.

Andrea Marie: Yeah.

Liz Glazer: You think I’m going to eat a beet? I would never eat this. Throws it on ground. And I’m like, yeah, you’re right. Like I, that was my bad. It’s just like, yeah. They are so opinionated, such strong opinions, and then they change, flip like on a dime.

Andrea Marie: Don’t remember. They don’t.

Liz Glazer: Right. Why would you think I would even consider a beet?

Andrea Marie: It is definitely, they are the ultimate gaslighters They really are.

Liz Glazer: They are, It’s very true. Yeah, totally. But also like, you know, the purity of that moment when it’s like pick me up.

I know.

I mean she loves when we like to dance. Like that’s, you know, and she really gets into it and I get into it and like I mean, it’s really hard to have those moments without the like, zoom out lens of like, this is it. You know?

Because it is, it’s amazing.

Andrea Marie: yeah,

Liz Glazer: And I imagine that there are elements that only get better as the person themself comes into focus and you really get to know them.

Andrea Marie: Yeah, I really loved every age. My kids are now out of the house, but I really did every age I was like, oh no, this is my favorite. Oh no, this is my favorite. You know? It is, it’s, it’s, it’s a lot of fun. It’s a lot of fun, you know, so that’s awesome. So what about an unhinged moment?

I mean, you know, we’re always like all these pod, like the podcast is 30 minutes of unhinged time, but is there a specific unhinged time that you had?

Could my kid go to the Olympics?

Liz Glazer: Well, yeah. I think it’s happening. Is that okay? Because my parents were, they never intended to put any pressure on me. I know that. And they were themselves immigrants and children of immigrants. And I think that the pressure to like, you know, listen, you gotta make something of yourself. I can’t always protect you and like, I need to make sure that you’re gonna be okay.

And like, you gotta do your part to that. And so I can appreciate that’s where it came from. And also that like, you know, for myself, I’m of a generation that like took the assignment, ran with it, and then ran directly away from it, right? Because like now I’m doing. God forbid I should have ever decided as a kid that I wanted to do comedy.

Like no way.

Andrea Marie: Yeah.

Liz Glazer: So, okay. So I sort of wrestle with both of those in me as like I understand why my parents were kind of right and also that like ultimately what does it even matter? Meanwhile, my daughter apparently is a soccer star, and I say this because it has been told to me and my wife, like almost with concern, like, not just like hey, she’s really good at soccer.

Like, isn’t that fun and exciting? It was like, Hey, we gotta talk because like I’ve never seen the level of talent at the age she’s at. And so you probably wanna be doing something about that. And it’s so interesting because like on the one hand I’m like, have you met her? She’s two. But then also I’m like, well, who am I to get in the way of her potentially being this soccer star?

And also then my parents are in the back of my mind being like, honestly. If she is and she starts at two, then like, maybe she could really go with this. And what would be so bad about that? Like, soccer seems wonderful and like what a great anchor to a college scholarship.

And potentially like, you know, she could have a job, but also like to be really social in a networking capacity because she has this whole other interest and like, wouldn’t that be great for her applications?

And so the unhingedness is me spiraling with opportunity because, but also like I can, you know, thankfully I hope to bring myself down to earth and be like, and she’s still too.

And also like only if it’s fun and only, but also like I do kind of see what they mean because she happens to like being able to kind of run in a specific way, like around things. She’s very light on her feet with her run. She loves to run. She can run for hours and hours and hours. And so it’s interesting because I’m like, okay, I guess I kind of see it and also.

Now I’m like, you know, a little bit racking my brain because I’m like, okay, like do we move to Brazil? When does that happen?

Andrea Marie: Where are the Olympics gonna be in 16 years? You know?

Liz Glazer: Right. Like we have to like, do you think I should buy my ticket now?

Andrea Marie: I know.

Liz Glazer: Or on Tuesday. Tuesday I’ve heard the flights are cheaper.

Andrea Marie: Wait. We’ll just, let’s just wait. Yeah.

Liz Glazer: So there’s this constant tug between my inner selves of like, how serious do we wanna be at this stage mom thing?

Or like, okay, let’s pump the brakes a little bit, because she’s two.

Andrea Marie: Yeah. It’s so hard not to get way ahead, ’cause you’ve got, you know, you are, you’re kind of the sculptor here and give them the opportunities and hopefully shaping and giving them direction, but also letting it happen. It’s just so many, so many things.

Liz Glazer: Totally. That said, I do have a personal friend who is.

Andrea Marie: I thought you were gonna say personal trainer for her.

Liz Glazer: Who is a professional soccer player and coach, so I will be writing to him. I already have, but like, what are we thinking here? Like how many times a week and, you know, whatever. And I wasn’t like this, like she does this thing, it’s like basically CrossFit for toddlers.

I think it’s a chain and whatever, but she loves it and she would do it every day. Like literally she’s always like, we’re going there. So I do have a sense that she has kind of this athletic bend, which is fine. Like great, whatever.

She can lift bro. Yeah, totally.

Andrea Marie: That is so awesome. I know. It’s just like, parenting is just such a mental game. So many things to think about. So you never, and you can never be prepared for all of that.

Liz Glazer: Of course. Yes. Yeah but knowing me, it’s like I say of course, but then I’m like but could I be like, is it possible that I could really be prepared for the Olympics in 16 years?

Andrea Marie: Yeah, that’s awesome.

Liz Glazer: Mm-hmm.

Why she left a tenured law career for comedy

Andrea Marie: So you had a lawyer background and you did that for how many years did you do that?

Liz Glazer: So I was a practicing lawyer. I went to law school for three years. I practiced law for two, and then during those two, I got what I really wanted was, which was a tenure track teaching job, which I then took during the two. Effective one after the first one of those two. I did that job teaching for nine years.

I got tenure after six, and then that was right around the time that I started doing standup and then left relatively shortly thereafter. So I left a tenured position to do comedy.

Andrea Marie: Yeah. That’s awesome. Do you miss that career at all?

Liz Glazer: I don’t. I mean, so the truth is like, I work clean and so, and that’s not like any sort of moral choice.

It just kind of leans to me, like natural tendencies as a person. And so it kind of works for me. But the reason I mention is I do schools and law firms like I do shows in those contexts kind of a lot. And because of that, I don’t really miss it. Those audiences because I do get to interact with them in a sort of preferred way.

I mean, they were my original audiences and they are currently a lot of the audiences that I perform

Andrea Marie: Yeah. That’s awesome.

Liz Glazer: Mm-hmm. Yeah, it’s nice.

What it was really like on The Tonight Show

Andrea Marie: And then what was being on The Tonight Show like? Was that stressful?

Liz Glazer: I don’t. I don’t know that that actually would be top of the list in terms of adjectives. Like it was, I had exactly two weeks notice to the day. And I think that that was perfect because it was sort of like a final reading week period worth of prep. And obviously like, you know, I had written the set already and it was, you know, vetted like it was picked and also then went through standards and practices.

So there’s only so much variation that you can have between what’s approved, which already is like, many years in the making of like whatever. Whatever those things are that you submitted to say on the show. So in that sense, you know, it was kind of like, okay, well I know the set and now it’s just a question of like running it enough to really know it inside out.

And like by the end of those two weeks, first of all, I had gotten up, I did it 34 times in the two week period. And by that I mean like literally like, get up, do it, sit down, right? And so like in a show context and not counting the million times I said it for the cat or for my wife or whatever.

And then there was one rehearsal at the show, and then the 36th time, within that two week period was the actual time I did it on the show. And so at that point, like and I’ve heard this from other people who’ve had similar experiences, you know, for the Tonight Show specifically, like you could press play on me at that point I was so, like, all I did was think through that set.

So I wouldn’t say that it was stressful exactly. By the time of doing it, it was hugely exciting. It was adrenaline to the max. It was like cartoonishly a big deal in the same way that like, you know, a crazy roller coaster really does have that feeling of being that. And so it was awesome. It was incredible.

It was exciting. It was amazing.

Andrea Marie: That’s awesome.

Liz Glazer: Yeah, it was great. And he was so nice and like just everybody there, like they are running a professional operation that works the way that it works because they really work at that and like, it’s very smooth.

Andrea Marie: Oh, that’s great. So fun, so fun. Well, Liz, this is just like, time flies by. It’s so quick.

Liz Glazer: It’s nice. This was really fun. Andrea. Thank you so much, yeah.

Andrea Marie: So why don’t you let people know where they can find you, follow you, all that stuff.

Liz Glazer: Sure, in my closet.

Andrea Marie: And yet for those of you who are just listening, you gotta hop over to YouTube and just get a look at Liz’s Closet.

Liz Glazer: You can find me at Liz Glazer pretty much anywhere.

Andrea Marie: Great.

Liz Glazer: And watch the special on YouTube, please. It’s called Do You Know Who I’m Not? And then there’s other sets on YouTube from Don’t Tell and Comedy UO and my own stuff as well.

So yeah, there’s a lot there. If somebody wants to deep dive.

Andrea Marie: Yeah. Great. Well, we will have those links in the show notes. So thanks again, Liz, for being on the show and all you all you do, so thank you.

Liz Glazer: The same. Thank you.

Andrea Marie: Thanks for listening and make sure you subscribe, share, and follow us on the so