Why ads keep shoving women over 50 into bushes

Speaker: Every time you see a commercial with a woman over 50, she is doing one thing. She is gardening. Have you noticed this? They, and I think I know why. I think they have got some 35 guy writing this commercial and he is like, what the hell?

I don’t know. What do they do? I don’t know. I know. I guess we’ll just stick her in a bush, you know? Put a broad brimmed hat on her. Stick a troll in her hand. Let her dig her own grave.

Andrea Marie: We are Moms Unhinged, a nationally touring standup comedy show. Join us in our podcast as we explore everything from motherhood, midlife, crisis, marriage, divorce, online dating, menopause, and other things that irritate us.

Hello everyone and welcome to the Moms Unhinged podcast. Woo-hoo.

Lindsay Porter: Woo.

Andrea Marie: I’m your host Andrea, and I am so excited to be joined today by Lindsay Porter, who is one of our Chicago based comedians and is totally amazing. She’s been traveling all over with us and is also a mom, of course. You know, that’s how that works. So welcome, Lindsay.

Lindsay Porter: Thank you. Thrilled to be here.

Andrea Marie: Yeah. Yeah, super excited. So Lindsay and I were talking before we got started and we had this funny, you know, funny thing about what we were gonna talk about today, and she was talking about how she has no goals and I just love that.

I love that for so many reasons. But Lindsay, why don’t you just tell us what, why you have no goals right now?

How long Lindsay has wanted to do stand-up

Lindsay Porter: Okay, well first of all. I am, as of a month ago, an empty nester for the first time. And I was a late mom. I became a mom at 42, so I’m 61 and I am finally free. Like finally, finally free. I never expected to do standup. I had a very long circuitous journey to get here, and I tried a lot of things that I desperately wanted to do.

I was an actor for a long time. And I was, you know, I did a lot of, it was mostly in theater. I did a lot of plays. I had some artistic success. I loved it, but I never, I had such a longing to like do ever, I wanted to be a full-time working actor. I wanted to make my living as an actor, and I didn’t. I did not.

Andrea Marie: I didn’t.

Lindsay Porter: Let’s be clear, I never made a living as an actor. I acted a lot, but I never made a living. And then I did storytelling, and then I did, you know, and I finally am doing something where it’s okay. Whatever happens is okay.

Like I literally am finally living in the moment with a thing that I love to do. And I say I have no goals because I never thought I would do this.

And every time I go to a Moms Unhinged show and I’m standing in some theater in Butte, Montana, or wherever I am. And I think this was the dream. And I was a big Oprah fan back in the day. I don’t know if other moms of kids who are about this age, but we all, I didn’t breastfeed ’cause I adopted my kid, but everyone was like breastfeeding or bottle feeding their kid while watching Oprah. Or at least I, that’s what I did.

Andrea Marie: Yeah. I loved Oprah.

Lindsay Porter: And Oprah always said, dream a bigger dream.

And now I’m like, no. I think it’s sometimes okay. Is it okay to just like be okay with what you’re doing and like love what you’re doing. Like isn’t that? That’s the dream.

Andrea Marie: That’s so zen. I love that. Dream a bigger dream.

Lindsay Porter: No, no. Oprah, you’re wrong.

Andrea Marie: No, thank you. I’m not gonna do that. I am gonna dream this dream in the moment and I’m gonna be lucid in the moment.

Lindsay Porter: It’s like they say living the dream. I’m living this dream. It’s amazing. But I will say, keeping up with the Oprah theme. Oprah also said something that I find also guides me and this one I love.

She says, luck is when preparation meets opportunity. So that also means if I am doing what IS I’m supposed to do, writing new jokes, working on my craft, if something bigger comes my way, sure, like that’s great. But I’m not seeking it out, but I am keeping myself open for whatever comes next. And if there’s nothing next, that’s okay. And if there is, let’s do it.

Andrea Marie: Yeah, I love that because in this culture, we’re always like, especially I think, in the United States. It’s always about like, go big. I mean, that’s even the name of my company. Go Big Productions. Big, big, big.

And you know, it’s this balance between striving and enjoying. It’s when you’re dreaming this bigger dream, you might not be appreciating what is happening right in the moment. So you’re thinking, oh, it should be bigger. Or I should be working harder, or whatever it might be.

Lindsay Porter: Yeah. And this is why also I’m not a producer because it’s the hardest thing to do, and you always have to be thinking about that, and you’re trying to like run a business.

And I think that’s what’s happened to me at this age is I’m not trying to run a business. I still wanna be successful in many ways in comedy, but it’s a different mindset.

Andrea Marie: Yeah, yeah, for sure. And I think there’s different times in our life where it’s like dream a bigger dream means, okay, let’s try and make a little more money so we can afford a latte every once in a while or whatever it might be. You know, if you’re, you know, I remember early in my career, you’re just not making very much. And you need to really power up and whatever.

But maybe at this time of our lives we’re like, yeah, you know. We’ve got maybe some things a little more settled. We’ve got a little more of a nest egg, a little more security, whatever, you know, there.

Kids are outta the house and they’re fricking expensive, you know? So, it just definitely can be a different mindset at that time.

And I think it’s great I think also when you’re in this like dream, a bigger dream kind of thing, it is like, you know, future thinking and it’s hard to kind of enjoy, like I said this in a different way. But it is like, if you’re just always in the future, it’s hard to be in the present and finding the joy in the moments.

Lindsay Porter: Yeah, and that’s one of the thing that I think I realized is that I was always, you know, I’m a big daydreamer. It’s newsflash. I have ADD as I believe like 75% of comics do. I mean, most of them do. Probably the only, the producers are the ones that don’t. That’s a big aspect of ADD is like daydreaming and always, so I was always like living.

Like an alternate life. I’ll make a very old reference, like Walter Middy style alternate universe going on in my head. And now I’m finally like really focused on just my dreams and my reality are finally intersecting and I’m trying to go with that.

Andrea Marie: Yeah. Yeah, that’s great. And I think that it’s nice to be able to be open and say, “Hey, you know, what’s in store for me next?” And you can just you know, have that unfold naturally instead of just trying to get it pushed up the hill, you know, just like trying to muscle it through.

There’s just so many things where we could be attached to the outcome of everything we’re doing so desperately. And when you’re not attached to that outcome, you’re just living in a more, you know, free state, I think.

Lindsay Porter: Yeah.

Andrea Marie: Yeah, yeah. Well I love that. I love that. And one of the things I also like to get into is how you got started in comedy. And you said there’s kind of an intersection between that and what we were talking about.

Why doing comedy in her 20s felt impossible

Lindsay Porter: Yeah, I think I have always loved comedy. Always. When I was a little kid, my dad had all the Bob Newhart records and all the early George Carlin, like back when he was wearing a suit.

Andrea Marie: Uh huh.

Lindsay Porter: I had memorized all of these routines and my dad and I used to do them together, and it was, I loved it. And then I was a theater kid and I went to college and I majored in theater and always loved the idea of standup. But you know, that was like the eighties.

And it was a very, it was a whole thing like women aren’t funny and a big emphasis your physicality. I just was afraid. I remember going to see a standup comedy thing that a friend of mine was in when I lived in New York, and I was like, God, I’d love to do that, but I was too afraid of.

You know, you’re a young woman. Your looks, your body. Everything was like scrutinizing people. Now people don’t say stuff. They said stuff.

Andrea Marie: Yeah.

Lindsay Porter: I was already trying to pursue theater and to some extent, to a lesser extent, some film and TV stuff. Which is where, you know, you’re always looking to fit into a mold.

And I was never quite the right one. And finally when I came to standup in my fifties, first of all, the culture changed a little bit. A little bit more accepting of different types of people and looks. Not that I was some crazy, I was looked like normal. I was just normal, but that wasn’t good enough, you know what I mean? And then also just in comedy, there it is just undeniable.

You are who you are, and if you make people laugh. You can do it. You’re not looking to fill a role.

Andrea Marie: Right.

Lindsay Porter: So you just bring whoever you are authentically to the stage. And when I started doing comedy, I was not in a great place physically.

I had a pretty big journey. I had a kidney transplant, a stem cell transplant. I went through chemo and radiation as part of a trial. Where I was given a kidney because I have a genetic kidney disease. I knew why my kidneys would fail. My mother died of this disease. My sister has this disease.

And then after the chemo and the radiation, I got extremely skinny, went through instant menopause, and then I gained like a hundred pounds. And I was not feeling physically, not feeling physically good. But I was getting up on stage anyway. And doing the stuff. And so I sort of started at, at my worst.

And then over time with the help of, you know, pharmaceuticals and other things, I’ve lost about half of that weight. I think it was kind of great that I started at the time when I was, I had to like, get over myself.

The insecurities that came up being an actor about how you’re perceived and just bring your authentic self to the stage and be like, this is my experience.

This is who I am. Love it or leave it baby. And here are my jokes, you know.

Andrea Marie: Right.

Lindsay Porter: As I am watching this, I am looking at my neck and thinking, wow, this is, I could just, here, how about this? Can I just do the rest of this podcast, like this? If anyone’s watching, I’ll just get a, like a neck clip.

Andrea Marie: I swear I was doing a interview yesterday where I was looking at my neck and luckily today my screen is black, so I can’t see my neck.

Lindsay Porter: By the way, Andrea, your neck looks freaking amazing. I’m jealous. I’m so jealous of your neck.

Andrea Marie: I’m having a good neck day. Who knew?

Lindsay Porter: Ahh.

Andrea Marie: Oh my goodness. Yeah.

Lindsay Porter: If you can’t see it, I was pulling my neck back anyway.

Trying stand-up for the first time in her fifties

Andrea Marie: It is terrible. It is so interesting getting into comedy at this. ’cause I got into comedy in my, I was like 39 and so, you know, through my forties, whatever. But there is like a getting over yourself as you get older. You just are like, you know what, this is it.

I’m not gonna get work done. This is who it is. And I don’t really care anymore. I really don’t. Other than sometimes, I still do. I try to say, I say I don’t care. But you know what we still do.

Lindsay Porter: Well, it’s that balance too. It’s like I don’t wanna give up. I also just wanna be okay with where I am.

Andrea Marie: Right, right. Yeah and again, it’s sort of that in the moment kind of being happy with who you are now, but also I’m like, also I can see my mother in the future. Dang it, is that where I’m headed? Dang it, okay. Ugh. So I love that story about getting started in your fifties. That is so amazing.

I mean, you got started and you were doing open mics. You had your son at home and you like, yeah so you were just going out at night.

Lindsay Porter: And so my husband is, we met doing theater. He’s also an actor. He still does some TV and film stuff. But he owns a bar and restaurant in Chicago. A tap, like a neighborhood place. Used to be the big actor hangout.

And so he is gone at night a lot, so when my son was little, Monday nights were really the only night that I had, and I started going, well, first I took a class, which was great, just as for fun.

Like it’ll get me outta the house. I’m paying for it, so I know I’m gonna go, and I loved it. I took it again, and then I started, I met these young women who are two of my good comedy friends now. And they started just harassing me and being like, “we’re going to the Logan Theater Open Mic on Monday nights. Come with us.”

And then I just started going, and then slowly but surely, a little, a few things started happening. And then there was a pandemic.

Andrea Marie: Yeah.

Lindsay Porter: And then we had to restart. I mean, I remember just thinking, wow, it would be great to do something that wasn’t to be in a showcase of some kind, to be on a show.

And then I got in. You know, little by little one, one thing at a time.

Andrea Marie: Yeah. How exciting was it to get that first invitation?

Lindsay Porter: So exciting. There was actually a show that doesn’t exist anymore that was in the suburbs of Chicago, and it was in the back of a bookstore and it was called The Mother Cluckers.

It was all women. They weren’t all moms, but it was all women, and it was a combination of storytelling and standup. And I had done storytelling before doing standup. So I did that first, and there was like a time when I showed up and they asked me to do it night. Wanted to bring new material.

And I didn’t have any jokes, so I just read funny things that my son had said off of a piece of paper. I mean, that was like, I didn’t even, I barely had any jokes. But that was the first time I did something that sort of resembled standup. And I got asked to do, you know, a showcase in the back of a bar.

And then slowly the things start coming and it’s exciting.

The creative itch she could never scratch… until comedy

Lindsay Porter: I think the other thing, the reason I feel like standup, like really fits my, you know, I’ve always had this artistic impulse to want to express something, but I don’t have a lot of artistic talents. Like, I cannot draw.

Andrea Marie: Other than performing.

Lindsay Porter: I cannot.

Andrea Marie: Performing is an artistic talent.

Lindsay Porter: I mean, I enjoy writing and I enjoy performing. But I do not have any other skill. I have a whole set of jokes about how anything sewing makes me cry. And drink. Anything involving a craft or, you know, painting or anything aesthetic. I suck. Suck, suck suck.

Andrea Marie: I am right there with you. I once screamed at my kids over these little puffy, we had to make little animal puffy key chains with little puff balls and glue. And I had glue, every hot glue everywhere. I was yelling, everyone’s crying. By the end, it was just.

Lindsay Porter: This is my nightmare. You are my soul sister on the hating of the graph so bad at it.

Here’s the thing. There was one time we had a Christmas party and you know, it was a gift exchange. And my son was nine, his name is CJ. And someone said, “oh, it’s so nice you let CJ wrap all the presents.” I was like, no, no, I did not.

I wrapped the presents. Okay and I worked, I tried and I wrapped him like a 9-year-old boy. And that was me. That was me trying.

Andrea Marie: This is my best.

Lindsay Porter: I had the art artistic impulse, and I think I loved storytelling, but it really, it requires the writing. I just wanted to be very precise and it really takes a lot of work.

And with this ADD profile that I have. The act of standup, which is just working one joke at a time, adding little by little, you have to physically go, you make a commitment to go out to a place, and then you have to have material. It like works for my neuro type, if you will. It’s like you just add on.

You just add on a little more. You just go out. You get immediate feedback. Sometimes that feedback sucks. Sometimes that feedback is not good. But you get the feedback and then you, by that you can build and act that way. But if you sit me, I love to write. I mean, writing is a great love of mine, but I cannot, I can’t sit alone in a room.

I need that. I need that commitment, and I need that direct feedback.

Andrea Marie: Yeah, definitely. And I love that you had friends who were like, come out, come out. And I think that’s definitely what it takes is like, you know, someone else is gonna be there and they’re waiting for you. And you know, to have that person who kind of is forcing you to be there.

‘Cause you know, there have been times where I’ve been like, oh, I’ll just go to this open mic by myself. And I’m like, nah, I think I’ll just stay home.

Lindsay Porter: Right. And that’s what’s so great. I think about having more women in standup. Even since I started, there are more, more women that I’ve met in Chicago who are in their fifties.

Andrea Marie: Yeah.

Lindsay Porter: Who are coming out and going to open mics and saying, “Hey, let’s go together.” Let’s, you know, when I first started going, I mean, there was nobody close to my age, and now it’s almost 10 years later and it’s not as unusual.

How young audiences react to jokes meant for moms

Andrea Marie: For sure. I remember I’m like, oh yeah, this room is gonna hate this set. Let me just talk about menopause and my midlife crisis and you know, like 25-year-old dudes are like, oh god.

Lindsay Porter: I mean, and the thing is there is, you know, there are certain jokes that I do with Moms Unhinged that I just know they just, they’re my audience. And I’m like, ah, I’m going to, and some of ’em fall flat in other places. But I do love going to these rooms with young people. I did a Zanies show.

Okay, that’s a club here in Chicago. did a own Zanies showcase last night, and it was just so much fun because there’s nobody who, I’m talking about the things that, there was a comic there last night. It was a young guy in his twenties and he’s talking about his mom and his relationship with his mom.

And I’m the mom talking about my relationship with my son. And I think that those two different perspectives on stage, like people, people laughed at my stuff, people laughed at his stuff and we were just telling two sides of a story of a relationship and it’s really fun. I love doing shows.

I love doing alt shows. I love doing weird shows where just a bunch of young people doing insane, crazy stuff and me. I love it.

Andrea Marie: Yeah, that’s so funny. That’s so funny. Yeah, I once did. It is fun to have that mix. I mostly do Moms Unhinged shows, so it’s like, you know, I’m mostly playing to the easy audience, but it is kind of fun to go where it’s, you’ve got a little bit of a mixed crowd. And I had one time, I had a guy, a young guy, talking about how he dated this old, old woman.

And I think she was like in her forties and he was making all these jokes about how old she was, and then I came by and I was like, oh, I’m so glad you met my boyfriend. You know, like, so the crowd crazy. But i t is interesting to see people appreciating each other’s humor. And I think that’s what it is about, is like sharing your perspective so that it kind of opens someone’s mind a little bit.

And be like, oh yeah, I’m dissing on my mom, but there is someone who, there’s her side of the story right at, right next, you know?

Lindsay Porter: I’m telling you about me. And there’s another comic who has done some Moms Unhinged shows. Jan Slavin. I mean, she’s older. You know, she’s in her seventies. I’m not gonna tell her age ’cause she’d be mad at me, but younger people love her. She’s hilarious.

Andrea Marie: She is hilarious. She is.

Lindsay Porter: It’s great to have those different perspectives.

The backyard bunny saga begins

Andrea Marie: For sure, for sure. S o I wanna get to, one of the things I’ve been asking everyone is for an unhinged moment in your life or something maybe went a little crazy. Maybe something wild happened. So I love, I mean, I know we all have so many of these stories.

Lindsay Porter: So many. Oh, I’ll tell you one. This is like a moment when I knew that the roles had reversed in my house. It was during the pandemic. My husband was trying to run a bar during a pandemic and they were like doing curbside service and so he was there all the time and my son and I were stuck at home.

My son was like 13, so it was rough for him. Rough for me. I mean, we’re super close. A lot of my jokes about how close we are, but I think we were driving each other crazy. And it was springtime and we look out in the backyard and there are baby bunnies in our yard and we’re like, ah, bunnies, this is gonna be so great.

We can watch them grow up. And they were all, there were five bunnies. And then we realize we have a dog. She’s a hunting dog and she has a very strong sense of smell, so we’re like, well, we’ll just take her out in the front. We won’t put her out in the backyard. We’ll let these bunnies get bigger.

But then our dog, with the sense of smell, all of a sudden realizes that there are, there’s something out there. And she becomes a monster. She is at the window, she’s drooling, she’s like barking. She’s clawing at the door, she’s losing her mind with the bunnies.

We tried all these different things.

And it days went by and it was a nightmare. I mean, she would wake up in the middle of the night salivating, she wanted to eat these bunnies. So finally, you know, my son was like, not the bunnies.

We can’t. Don’t let Gladys eat the bunnies. But finally it became such a nightmare. I said, listen honey, I don’t think we can keep this up.

I think we’re gonna have to let Gladys out, but I think we’ll go out there and we’ll yell at the bunnies and we’ll get them to leave the yard and then she can go out there and smell her on. So that’s what we do. And it works sort of because she eats two of the five bunnies and it was bad. And I was really worried that my son was gonna be upset, but he’s like, mom, those were the dumb bunnies.

Those were the dumb bunnies. The smart ones, this is Darwinism. This is what, this is my 13-year-old. He’s like, this is Darwinism. The smart bunnies will live and they will go on to have smart bunnies, and the dumb bunnies are dead.

Andrea Marie: No.

Lindsay Porter: So he quickly learned a life lesson.

“Go to your room, Mom”

Lindsay Porter: But the unhinged part is that then Gladys came running into the house and dropped a dead bunny in the middle of the living room.

And I started freaking out. I was not. I just was like, oh my God, the bunny, the bunny. The bunny’s in the house, dad’s at work. I dunno, what? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? And CJ just looked at me and goes, mom, calm down. Go to your room. Go to your room and I will take care of the bunny. And I did. I went, okay.

And I went to my room and while I was gone, he took, he put on gardening gloves and he got a big thing and he swept the bunny into the dust pan and he disposed of it. And I was like, that was his bar mitzvah. That was like the moment he became a man. And I was like a raving lunatic. And he took care of it.

Andrea Marie: That is hilarious. Go to your room, mom.

Lindsay Porter: Go to your room. Yes, sir.

Andrea Marie: Oh God.

Lindsay Porter: Um,

Andrea Marie: That’s horrific. What a little mini massacre there.

Lindsay Porter: That was a whole journey. Yeah, but there have been plenty of times when I’ve lost my mind about other things, but I have to say, I, in general, lose my mind a lot. But parenting is really, I had to learn patience because I’m not naturally patient and I had to get there, or else he would’ve ruined his life.

Andrea Marie: I know, I know. I’m kind of that like, okay, let’s go, let’s go. You know, I’m kinda like, let you know there’s no doddling around and you have to allow for the doddling ’cause otherwise you’ll go lose your mind. So yeah, it’s rough. The patience it’s a real test of patients for 20 years and beyond, 20 years and beyond.

Lindsay Porter: And I think the thing that I learned, I mean, my kid is really, he’s an amazing, he’s a great kid. He has had some struggles, like, and he’s very open about them. So I don’t tell anything out of, you know, he has depression. He’s been doing really well.

Super, super stable. Great. But what I realized with him was that I have to be okay, in order, like I tend to mirror people’s emotions a lot. Like when people are, I tend to, I am very, I guess it’s empathic or whatever, but I just tend to feel other people’s feelings. And I had to learn that I had to be okay because then I could help him.

And if he’s not okay, and then I’m not okay because he’s not okay. I’m not helping anything. And so I think that’s the biggest lesson.

Andrea Marie: Yeah, yeah. That was a big lesson for me. I was always like is everyone okay? Everyone’s okay. You know, like you can’t, you have to let them have their feelings or they’ll be trained to suppress them, and that’s not good for anybody. So it’s a, that’s a tough lesson too. So, oh, man. Well this has been so much fun, Lindsay.

I just always am amazed how quickly an half an hour goes.

Lindsay Porter: Look at us right on time. We’ve got the light, and now we’re ready to end.

Where to find Lindsay online

Andrea Marie: I know we’re hitting the light, so why don’t you let people know where they can find you online?

Lindsay Porter: Okay, you can find me on Instagram at @lindsay_porter, P-O-R-T-E-R. I also am on TikTok, but I go on there like once every three months ’cause I’m old. So I don’t know. That’s all the things. That’s all the things. But do please, please follow me on Instagram.

Andrea Marie: Yes. Yes.

Lindsay Porter: I never ask anybody. And, I need the follows so.

Andrea Marie: Yeah. We will have those links in our show notes so people can go follow you. I highly encourage that you guys just go check out Lindsay and to a show too.

Lindsay Porter: Yes, come to a show. Yay.

Andrea Marie: All right. Thank you so much, Lindsay.

Lindsay Porter: Thank you.

Andrea Marie: Mm. Bye.

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